Good advice. It was very hard to get my own account and direct deposite changed but I am really glad I did. She has her own card and I have mine. What she did was really not that bad. We just funded her SEPT IRA but the was she did it was sneaky at best.
She is lieing like crazy about everything. Even simple things that would have the same effect if she told the truth. It's like a game. I almost can not stand being around her.
My old wife is gone and I don't think she is coming back.
You sound like you are in a relatively good place on this. You are aware--many people don't realize until it's far too late to fix the financial mess, and as a result may spend years trying to recover, if they ever do. Good for you for seeing things clearly. It hurts, but the alternative is far worse. I naively thought things would be moving along toward reconciliation, or at least a serious effort at it, but then I realized I wasn't getting any effort from her. I don't have an inheritance coming (she has a large one coming), and so I finally decided the risk of letting the status quo go on was too great.
Hold firm on the financials Wednesday. You don't need to be mean about things, or greedy, but you should stand for what is rightly yours no matter how angry or accusatory she might get. Ignore her rage/victimhood at that time. You are there for you only. If she wants to talk seriously later, then there's time for that if that is what you want.
All she wants to do is argue and it dosn't matter who is there and what we are arguing about or the langauge she uses. I try to stay as far away as possible when she starts and avoid it. Can't wait to talk to my Psyc about this today. We have the L's tomorrow. Sould be really fun. OUCH! I think she is getting really nervous about the L's tomorrow.
Went to psyc today. Shrink said he would only talk to her if she was interested in Reconsiliation. She had tennis twice today. To busy to work on M. Off to the L tomorrow. Things are not good. She is miserable, angry, depressed, mean and I could go on and on. You can not even talk to her. She just does not want me around. I don't know what to do besides move forward with what she wants. I want her to be happy and I want to be happy. Right now our whole house is miserable. I just try to give her space and aviod her.
Any thoughts? Anyone?
Psyc meeting was great. I always feel great when I leave there. My confidence comes back right away. Her #1 goalis to distroy my confidence and make me miserable.
On the bright side EVERYONE (female) tells me how great I look with 20 lbs off, new hair (short), Tan, dressing nicer and white teeth. I feel good for some odd reason.
You sound like you are taking good care of yourself emotionally and physically. It does help to hear that others find us attractive. As for your W, it doesn't sound like there's a lot you can do about it right now. If she insists on moving ahead with the D, you need to do that. You can't force her to stay married to her, and as you say, take a look at her and ask if you really want to be married to her in the state she is in. Probably not. It's one thing to want to help, but you probably can't do that either. She has to save herself, and that's on her timetable. I'm sorry that your only option appears to let her go. That sucks, for you wish things could be different. But in the end, we have to play the cards we are dealt. You are going to be fine.
I don't think it's odd that sometimes you are feeling good about yourself. In fact, I think that you should be proud of yourself for getting things together in the self-care department. It's also really good to note that you feel different about yourself when you're around different people. I'd say keep working with your psyc--you need the support as you are going through something so intense. If your W. is really pushing, you may want to consider allowing her to take the steps to move things forward, without blocking her but without doing her steps for her. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. But you are also getting stronger as you get clearer about her emotional stuff belonging to her and yours belonging to you. Your stuff is what you want to keep working at, and I am seeing you get stronger in spite of some incredibly difficult and painful interchanges, tree.
Thanks for your support on a very difficult day. I will keep you all informed on how the day goes at the L's. I am getting a little nervous but i bet she is a lot more nervous. I am looking forward to a great life with or without her. Today I am strong and confident and I promise I will make every effort to make this work and remain calm and confident through out the meeting. Stay tuned!
OK....We went to the L's. She is dead set antimate that we are getting D. She does not Love me anymore and is ready to get a D. I have to tell you if I had the oppertunity to walk away with half of our net worth and a large amount of money every month I would walk away also. Forget about the kids, forget about the husband, I get the house, I would walk away also. The laws in NJ are rediculasly in favor of the women.
I don't know what to do from here. I am completely lost and don't know what to do but to move forward with what she wants.
