I understand "never thought I would be here." No one ever thinks it's going to be them. It's always a shock. It always sucks.
It's OK to discuss the other person with someone besides your wife. You have to discuss it with your therapist (and maybe a good friend?). Just probably not a great idea to discuss it with her. You'll only get angry, sad, frustrated, etc. and all that will push her in his direction. Don't ask me why. It just works that way.
Regarding talking about your business and other stuff, maybe you can call a good friend to start sharing things with. I'm no expert, if your wife is receptive, maybe you should call her. Ask the therapist. I went to therapy for over a year and every time I went, I took 4 or 5 sheets of paper filled with questions. They know what to do. They've seen all this hundreds of times and they know what she's thinking and what happens in "most" cases.
The 180 is difficult and I was unsuccessful at completing it in time. An example would be, if you never cleaned house before, start cleaning. If you have a beard, shave it. If you're overweight, lose it. If you drink, stop. If you've never gone to church, go. Get the picture? Do just the opposite in one or two areas, maybe more. I'm actually learning more about what I need to do as I type this.
Cry and be sad when you're alone, not in front of her. Yes, it sucks. But there's hope all this will turn around eventually. Probably not as quickly as you'd like. Keep hoping & keep praying. K
