Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

Last night and tonight, H&I and our kids had dinner with friends--both couples with kids. Neither of them knows that H&I are on the verge of S. It's so weird--we are mostly our usual selves, but I often get such an angry, "stay-away" vibe from H and I find it really humiliating in front of friends. H and I will sit next to one another on the couch, but he makes sure that we're not touching at all. Meanwhile, our friends are leaning on each other or being casually physical the way couples are--the way H&I have been most of our time together. It makes me feel really rejected and lonely the way his body language shuts me out (crossed arms and legs, facing away from me).

I know my H does not want to give up our social life, our family vacations--all that. He compartmentalizes his in love/not in love feelings to such an extreme that no other aspects of our lives matter.

Anyway, on it goes. I am looking forward to going to LA with my Ds on Saturday for 5 days. H will be here working and, I assume, trying to find an apt, or whatever he's planning. He is such a procrastinator in general and we agreed to renovate our third floor before he leaves (so we can rent it out and thus have money for two households), so who knows how long it will be before he's actually gone. He seems irritated with me that I'm not getting the ball rolling on the renovation/separation, but as much as I am getting fed up with his coldness toward me, it's hard for me to be the one to make any of this happen.