Hi CB. I'm sorry for your pain. I know how you feel. The Divorce Remedy book is better than the other one if you can get it. Read the section on infidelity. Some of it is on this website.
Sounds like you are on the right track. You are also still in the same house, still speaking, still in counseling! Count your blessings. Some of us don't have any of that.
Tia is right. You must become a "new" person (180) immediately for this to work. THINK about (don't ask her) what has caused the two of you to drift apart and CHANGE THAT! No pursuing. And no questioning, especially about OM. The more you push, the more she'll pull.
You said, "yesterday I decided to detach." You have to "decide" to do this over and over and over and over. Be that "new person" consistently. She will even probably throw a few more bombs to test you. PASS THE TEST!
Never give up hope. I believe in miracles and prayer.
