I saw your subject line and couldn't help, but see if there was anything i could offer you by way of advice... I read thought your thread and the one thing i never really saw is where you say why she may have started this... Do you know? have you asked? did you guys talk about it with the C?
I know for me, my internet friendship (which is exactly how it started) gave me someone to talk to. Someone that understood me and seemed to care what I was saying. Someone that gave me simple compliments... When it went from a friendship to an EA, i can't exactly say, i think it was gradually and i didn't even realize it at first. But it did. I held nothing back from him. He made me feel good. He made me feel loved and desired and adored. He sent me flowers once, a card here and there. It wasn't the things, but it was that he cared enough to go out of his way for me.
I can honestly say, that if my H had done have of what OM had been doing, I never would have needed to start talking to him. I felt that I needed him.
Now i know all sitchs are different. I'm not sure how your R was before this all started. I know mine was miserable, but at the root of all this, she was missing something. Not saying that it's was your fault. As Sandi said above, he self esteem issues may stem from long before you, but she felt she needed that attention. Once you have it, it is terrbily addicting.
A thought on her being more secretive... do you think she could be testing you? She knows you got into her old email... do you think she could be trying to see if you'd do it again. If you are really trying to trust her or if you are ust saying that until she does something that you deem suspicious. I know the thought has crossed my mind. I haven't done that, but i've wanted to. I know my H doesn't trust me, so I have nothing to test...
A thought on her sensual internet pics... Are they really sensual or is that your interpretation of them? Not that i think any grown woman needs to have pictures of herself on a website and other guys calling her sexy, but i was just wondering. We have a rule on our myspace site that the only pictures of us will include our family or friends. Me and the kids or him and some of his bussies. Nothing of just me posing for the camera.
For me, i know that right after the OEA ended, i was (had been for a while) dressing nicer and wearing different clothes because i wanted/needed that reaction from men. In my mind, my H will tell me i'm sexy because he has to. Whether he believes it or not, i don't know. If a stranger tells me that or flirts with me, then i know it because they have no reason to lie, they could just as easily ignore me... She really needs some counseling to deal with her low self esteem. It hurts and she needs to figure out what has caused it. Mine stems from childhood, so it could be really deep.
Your goals for the next week are good. Make sure that you are doing something for you as well. Maybe something different from how you normally spend your time. Maybe something you used to do when you were dating or first got M. Something fun...
** For what it's worth, I'm here. I had the OEA and I'm here fighting to keep my M alive. I have made a consious decision to love my H even though I don't really 'feel' it. I am trying to make changes and grow... so don't lose hope...
i hope that didn't come out wrong. I didn't want to come across negative or harsh, just give you another perspective. Sorry if i repeated anything Sandi said. I'm sure she's been an awesome resource for you! take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
ann