Thank you for those upbeat words. I have to get my anger and emotions in check and work every day to do so. Love is a choice/decision. My H chose to fall out of love with me but I never fell out of love with him even when I found out about the affair and him now living with girlfriend #2.
I fight everyday for my kids. Yes, I am human and have weak moments, hence my need to go out and find a male to share my emotions and feelings with that wound up evolving into relationship yet I have been judged by every single poster to my threads for doing so. It is easy to sit back and chew me a new one for doing what I did but until you walk a mile in my shoes you shouldn't act like you are better than me simply because you haven't done it. As I said in a previous post what I have done and am doing may not be the choice of others but it is/was the right choice for me. I know me better than anyone else in this world...even better than FG thinks he knows me...lol.
There was no rule book handed out at our marriage telling us how to handle this type of situation.
I will grow and continue to improve who I am everyday. H will either come home or he won't. My work will never be done regardless of his choices though. I am trying to sit back calmly and shine and be seen by him as the girlfriend he needs.
I am still so confused by his actions though. He talks about how he is so very attracted to this girlfriend because of her brains and independence and strong mindedness(me 19 years ago-ironic)but comes to me every weekend for sexual favors and even slept with me last week. Oh but the sex with her is amazing...phooeeeeey on that, if it were he wouldn't be coming to me for things. He is realizng that we had something after 19 years of togetherness that he won't have with any other woman...at least not until he has a lengthy history with them and maybe not even then.
It almost seems like the one he is with now was who I used to be prior to kids...the career woman who didn't need him to survive, the intelligent but not cocky woman, etc...hell he used to brag to his friends and our neighbors even as recently as a month before he left about how I completed him and how he was so proud of me and how smart I was and so much more. I almost wonder if he felt he would never match up??? But if that were the case then why would he go with someone so similar it sounds? I have read that woman men end up in affairs with are normally a version of their wives in some shape or form such as appearance, build, mind, personality, etc...
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
