I'm Finally Ready to "Drop the Rope"

[fooled again]

Today I am exhausted. I was doing well and my life seemed to have settled down. What I was going for by going dim and detaching was to have a period of calm and peace, where H and I could had some interaction but we would both pretty much concentrate on our own lives, maybe see each other once a week as a family or something. I followed the suggestion that I not tell my H about this, but just do it.

Well quite the opposite has happened and I'm not really sure what to do - BFM, maybe you can help me with this.

Last night my H started talking to me and it was like a dam had burst. He is still out of town, and it has only been a short time of my going dim, but my detaching has elicited quite a reaction. He is scared, and last night it all started coming out, his fear, his frustration, he started bringing up the past and expressing his hopelessness, that he is a loser. He talked about how much I've changed and that I only changed because of what he did to me. This went on for about an hour and a half, long distance and even when we were saying goodnight, he could have continued. I know there is more to come.

What do I do now? My gut tells me that my H and I really need to do some talking about what we want to do now, whether we want to try to make this work or take a break. I know my H is terrified that I will start dating and he will lose me. But I also feel that he is not yet ready to fully commit to our M. Any reassurance I give doesn't seem to help him. The simple fact of my doing things w/ friends causes him anxiety b/c he thinks that if I'm out there and there are men around, he stands to lose me.

Any thoughts? BFM, I'm especially curious to hear if you went through this w/ FW.