Sorry Sad!

I haven't been on the boards as much lately and your post must've slipped to page 2 before Mal responded.

I'm sorry you're in such torment, Sad. Really sorry.

I have to agree with Mal, though, D does NOT sound like the answer for you. Nor, does an A...but you know that.

As for your crisis of faith...well, that IS tough. But when you wrote that the Almighty doesn't seem to be answering your prayers here's what came to me.

Sad, think back to a year ago...God HAS answered your prayers. SAM is with YOU, Sam loves YOU.

Yes there's a WHOLE lot of baggage attached to the sitch. I don't believe for a second that CJ and I would be as far along as we are if there were legal battles ongoing that thrust the whole issue into our faces constantly...hard earned money thrown at lawyers...

I think that in a big way, you two have not really had a CHANCE yet to begin piecing. It's all still too much in the present.

So why not pull out an old DB trick....PATIENCE...I know, I know, it's the last thing you want to hear when you're at the end of your rope!

But I can't help but wonder what might come about when this is all really behind you.

Sad...I've not yet told CJ that I forgive him, but in my heart it's mostly a done deal. Stranger still, perhaps, is that I trust him. Or more accurately, I CHOOSE to trust him every day.

I could CHOOSE to wonder about the women in his online course, I could CHOOSE to wonder if he's still really in contact with OW or meeting a new OW on line...but to what end?

So, you might ask...what if he really IS up to no good?

First, in my heart I know it isn't so. If I'm being fooled yet again, well, Sad I KNOW I can survive...most likely without CJ! But I choose not to channel my thoughts and energy in that direction.

Is everything great? No. We havne't made love since September. ...but I'm choosing to dwell on the positives.

Tell us, Sad, you say that Sam apologizes often (BTW, CJ apologized a handful of times WAY back and then pretty much at my prompting)....doesn't this suggest that she KNOWS you aren't forgiving her, or senses this great dissatisfaction you're feeling?

Have you talked with her OPENLY about how you are feeling? Or is that still too scary?

Keep posting my dear friend...


(((((((((((((((((SAD))))))))))))))))))))))

Shiny