DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. He's just trying to push your buttons, and frankly, he doesn't DESERVE your answer.
Just say:
"Just real busy; I'm fine. Have to do _______ , and then had _____ before. Talk to you/see you at (whatever it was you agreed to)."
or
"We're fine, thanks. On my way out to thus-and-such!"
Stay POSITIVE, without being cloyingly so. It'll frustrate him even more.
Now, if when you SEE him, he STILL pushes to know why you don't respond to him more, just say "I've honestly been busy, and haven't had time to think much about you, but if you must force me to give an answer, then I'd tell you that frankly, you don't DESERVE one. I have to go do thus-and-such, I'll talk to you later" (and kiss him on the cheek and leave).
He is at my house with my D I am going to have to see him in a half an hour, I'm going to try to smile, and thank him for watching her then get her ready and leave for the movies.
I have been trying not to respond and have done fairly well. Since he left last night he has texted me 10 times - I responded to 4 and called me 4 times, I answered the last time because he was panicing, I don't know whether he actually thought I was going to hurt myself but that is what he seemed to be freaking out about. He is not used to me not responding.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Tell him the truth. You have to get used to life without him too. It would help you get used to him being gone if he didn't text you and call so often.
Neecy, I am glad to see you are back! I believe you will get stronger every day and soon will feel much better! I agree with everything Puppy said and think following his advice is a good idea. Keep GALing and try to do things you enjoy to keep up your PMA as much as possible and try to ignore the texting as much as possible (I know that is something I am working on too)! Karen
Wow....your H seems to be acting the same way as my H did when he left. Calls to the house and my cellphone, texts, even calls to family and/or in-laws whenever I didn't respond. He was always in a panic if I didn't immediately get back to him.
But you know what, Neecy? That was HIS problem - not mine. HE was the one who chose to leave. I didn't make him nor did I help him with that decision. I completely left it up to him although it wasn't what I wanted.
Your H wanted out. Now he needs to know just what that REALLY means. He needs to know it, and he needs to feel it.
You can be cordial, friendly, polite, whatever you want to call it with H, but you should NOT give in to him anymore, and as others have advised, DO NOT RESPOND TO MEANINGLESS CALLS/TEXTS.
Oh, and regarding your H telling you that 'everything will work out'.....My H ALWAYS said the same thing. I believe it was his way to manipulate the sitch, a way for him to control me. By telling me this (not showing), it was a way for him to keep me around. He knew I did not want a D, so if he gave me just enough crumbs, he knew I wouldn't go anywhere. This was his reassurance that he wanted. I honestly believe that my H didn't want to be with me, but he didn't want anyone else to have me either. Understand what I'm saying? He didn't want me to move on without him until HE was ready himself.
It was all about him, and he was acting very selfish. MIL and SIL both said this, and even H admitted it to me himself.
Take your D to the movies. If you'd like, and it is totally up to you, you can tell H that he is welcome to join the two of you, but after that, he needs to be on his way.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Well, H's promise to be back in a week doesn't seem to match up with the fact that he was searching house and apartment rentals on my computer today, unless he was just doing it to fire me up. He searched in FE which is where OW lives, no searches in our city.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Neecy, forget about the "one week" promise. All cheaters lie. Get on with your life, head on down the path. After a GOOD LONG WHILE, you can turn around and see if he's following you. But don't think you can LEAD him down it, or even expect him to be ON it with you right now.
Neecy, forget about the "one week" promise. All cheaters lie. Get on with your life, head on down the path. After a GOOD LONG WHILE, you can turn around and see if he's following you. But don't think you can LEAD him down it, or even expect him to be ON it with you right now.
Ditto.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I believe you will get stronger every day and soon will feel much better! I agree with everything Puppy said and think following his advice is a good idea. Keep GALing and try to do things you enjoy to keep up your PMA as much as possible and try to ignore the texting as much as possible (I know that is something I am working on too)! Karen