I am unable to lay it all out because I do not understand all that is in my head. Sam is doing nothing wrong now...well not true. I see her being upset about things more often and I see her yelling at our children more. She is still very apologetic and tells me so every chance she can. But the point is, outside of how I want my children to be treated, that I am not happy.
After all of the counselling, all of the meds, all of our late night talks, the very little sex, understanding how we got here and understanding how growing up in alchoholic families prevents us from feeling the full affects of joy and how we "aren't normal",...after all of the things we have done and learned in the past year, the bottom line is I AM STILL THE ONE BETRAYED, AND THE HURT I FEEL RUNS VERY DEEP AND CANNOT BE BRUSHED ASIDE.
Her enitire FAMILY KNEW what was going on; her sister even thought it cool. Sure, they feel bad about it now, but so what! This is going to be a miserable f-n Christmas because of all of the things I learned about the last.
I feel stupid for having stayed this long.
I don't know what more to say, Shiny. Except that you are correct when you say, "when confused, do nothing." I will not do anything to compromise my honor or my vowes. I just wish I could do something.
The thing that is so attractive about this former love (from afar - never touched her) is that she can say and do all of the things Sam can do, only she hasn't cheated on me.
Sorry SB to seem so angry, but I am. I love you and all who have helped me and I do not like being this way. I hope you will cut me some slack.
