Hello. I don’t often post, because my sitch is just ticking along, and I have learnt to love myself, and have a life. But something interesting happened that made me think about how men tick. Guys please do chip in here.
Very sadly, a great friend of mine lost her partner of 15 years recently. He and his wife separated about 20 years, and I should stress that my friend had no part in the separation. But, he left EVERYTHING to his wife and children – and he really loved my friend. OK perhaps an aberration I thought, so I was discussing this with a mutual friend [male] who is the long time and loving partner partner of another close friend. His wife left him over 20 years ago for another man, and she died about 5 years ago.
I was expressing surprise at, let’s call him Pete’s decision, and Jack said, ‘Oh no, I loved my wife and was devastated when she died. I love her all my life, and I still do, I can totally understand why Pete did that’!
Well I about fell off my chair, partly because Jack never normally opens up like this, but mainly because of the unquestioning supremacy of the first wife in these guys minds. I have seen them with my friends, and they are loving and happy.
The other thing I realised is that almost everything my husband is currently doing is a reaction to me. Now I have largely dropped the rope I can watch his antics with [mostly] amused disbelief. But of course I have taken back the power. I am NOT reacting to him, and I can now see that his actions are directly reactive to my existence! Every mean and provocative act. But I realise he doesn’t hate me, although it looks like it. He just cannot get me out of his head. Poor guy.
