I've followed a few of your posts, like role reversals, etc...and to be honest, I've generally disagreed. I've always felt that until the WA has some sort of change of heart that we are the LBS and they are the WA. It is irrelevant how we as the LBS feel while they are in WA mode. They are still the WA and we the LBS. In the end however, most people here and I suppose outside of the DB world, say that it is the choice of the LBS how to proceed. And thus, we can be a WA ourselves. So, with that said I'd like to chime in on this post.
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My wife has been gone for a few months now and I am a single dad raising two boys alone. She has little to no contact with us although in her mind she thinks she sees them more often. But it is really only about every 7-10 days.
a few months is not long. My W was just getting reved up on anger. So, that distance doesn't surprise me. And honestly, I did not see my W then much either. Also, when I read your posts, I always sense negative emotions from you when you say things like "a single dad raising two boys alone." I understand. Just an observation.
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So we had a good two hour phone conversation yesterday and I told her that the door to my heart was closed and that lying to me and abandoning her children has made her very unattractive to me and someone that I did not think I could ever trust again. I was not ugly but I was honest and it did not turn into fight. She knows that she has no excuses or anyway to justify her actions. I told her that although I did not like who she was now, I will never forget nor stop being thankful for the wife and mother that she has been for 10 years.
Good two hours that's positive and you will need this raising children regardless the 'schedule'...lying, abandoning, actions, etc...sounds like she really hurt you. "did not think I could ever trust again" - you actually left the door open here. You could've just said never, ever, etc...However, you seem clear that you are happy with your choice.
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It was a sad discussion and it was painful to put it out on the line and let her know that it was over in my mind. But that is the truth. I felt it was necessary to bring closure to our situation. I told her that I did not have any expectations of her financially or emotionally to my children because she has not been able to provide in either aspect and I would rather release her from any pressure than to build up hope and expectations in my kids.
the picture you paint with your post is how you are through with her. However, by saying sad and painful it confuses me. Also, and I noticed this in your first paragraph. They are not just your children. They are hers too. No matter the choices u2 make in your lives. Unless, I am mistaken and they are from another relationship.
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For a woman to walk out on her husband and small children is just so unthinkable that there can be no turning back. There can be forgiveness and there is but the past can not be erased or white washed. She has become a pariah in her entire circle of friends and family. She has been shunned or has closed out almost everyone in her life over this.
you sound bitter. Your whole post sounds like you are trying to validate your choice. Which is fine and great if it makes you happy and is best for you and your family. But then I don't understand why you say you are sad. Seems like you'd be happy. Also, my W has pushed away plenty of "friends/family" in my sitch b/c of her anger, etc...I wouldn't think that would be uncommon.
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I will continue to stay on here but I have closed this door to my life.
I feel like that is a contradictory statement. I feel like that if I were done with my W, then I just would not have the need to be on this site and post about my sitch. That would be the door closing. Just me. Everyone is different.
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No one is sadder than me but I have to live for my boys from this point on. They need to be my number one priority and they need to feel that way.
...just don't forget about yourself.
If you believe in the Lord, then put him first, then family...my 5D knows it. Until the you put the Lord first, your puzzle will never fit back together...this is what guides me...
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
And I leave you with this thought I got from a sermon a few Sunday's back...Real love is loving and expecting nothing in return.
gl w/ your boys ... may you find what you are looking for.
p.s. I hope my post is not hurtful to you...It was not meant to be.
