Well, I think I am about to have a heart attack. H just called me and asked me to email him the account info for the car when I get home so he could go ahead and pay it.
I was hoping he would prove me wrong. I am glad I didn't say anything to him yet.
I am really thinking about having the big R talk with H. It seems things between us lately have been strictly business. Our conversations lately have been short, cold, and to the point. Although, he did call me a little over a week ago just to see how I was doing. He sounded kind of sad, and nervous because he was calling for "no reason".
I feel like he is waiting on me to make a move. During our marriage, if I ever got upset or mad at him about something he would wait for me to come to him. Heaven forbid he apologize or come to me. He would always say that I was the one that was mad so he was giving me space and I would let him know when I was no longer mad. Maybe that is because that is the way HE would rather deal with it when he is upset about something.
Maybe he feels like the day he brought me lunch (the last time I saw him...2 and 1/2 weeks ago) was a peace offering of some sort. Then he did call that night just to talk and then he texted me to ask how the weekend went with his parents. He has been making some sort of effort to keep in contact...allbeit small.
Right now I am just struggling with giving it more time or getting it over with. He said before he needed to have a job and steady paycheck before he could think about us. Well, he has done that. Do I give him more time or move forward with this talk?
Just got another cold business call from H. He was asking what exact date the car payment was due. I told him and he said "Ok, then I will set it up to pay on Friday, that way it will be there on the due date". Why wouldn't he just do it today? If he was going to get paid between now and Friday I would understand that...but he isn't.
Also he said his check wasn't what he expected. When he told me what it was, it was exactly what I expected. He MUST have forgotten about taxes...welcome to the real world buddy! He also told me that it was going to be cutting it close paying the car payment because he had to catch up on his phone bill, cable, internet, credit cards. So you would think the car payment would have come before ANY of those other payments. UGH! He is really driving me crazy...but I didn't say anything.
Lol. Yeah, taxes do take a chunk out. Oh well, reality bits you in the a$$ sometimes! He'll have to manage somehow. No more eating out this week I guess.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Now I am guessing that the excuse will be that he isn't making enough money and he has to focus on making more money so that he doesn't have to worry so much about bills, THEN he can focus on us. I am speculating...but I know him pretty well.
I think I am resentful of him because he complains about having no money while he lives in his apartment alone and drives a new car. I, on the other hand, live with my mom and pay a mortgage and upkeep for a house I don't live in. I guess life isn't fair right?
You are right, I need to take this week and get my thoughts together. I think this will be a make or break conversation. I really feel like at this time he will say he just isn't ready to work on the marriage. I just feel like he never will be ready. The conditions will never be perfect, there will always be something. Like I said before, I just have to be prepard to follow through with what I say.
I have been asking myself..."Do I even want him....do I even want him like he WAS?" He was always negative, bad with money, and felt sorry for himself. I felt like I helped him, and maybe I did for a little while. I felt like he made up for his faults with how much he loved me...but now I am asking myself "Is love enough??" I have just grown and changed so much through all of this...I don't know if the way he was is good enough anymore.
Perhaps the convo should start with, we really need to talk about our future. You asked me to give you time to find a job and get settled, and you have. But I do not feel like things are moving forward. There will never be a perfect time, we will always have stresses in our lives, but I need some answers.
Then ask him some questions and get his take on things?
As for him, you were surprised he remembered the car insurance - that was a good thing. Whether he waits til the last day or not *shrugs* whatever. He does need to grow up. And you need to let go of some of the responsibilities. It's a see-saw, if you let go to some extent he will have to pick up the slack.
Last edited by MichelleLT; 04/15/0806:17 PM.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
As I am going over this conversation in my mind...I don't know if I am completely ready for it. Maybe I just need to wait it out a little longer. Maybe he needs to see what it is like to be on his own a little longer. I am just really having a hard time with this no contact thing. I really have a hard time not dragging out the conversations when he does call...but he just seems so ready to get off the phone with me.
I will be thinking about what I will say when the time comes though. I think That is a good way to start the convo Michelle.
The reason that it bugs me about him waiting until the last day for the car payment is because I know how he spends money. I am worried that by the time Friday comes...there won't be enough money to pay it. But, whatever, I have no control over it at this point.
Nope, you don't. It's his problem. He will just have to use his next paychecks for the credit cards and such.
You should take all the time you need to be in the place where you can have that conversation.
As for the NC, he is calling you, whether regularly or with excuses, he IS contacting you. I know it's hard, but when he was not living close to you, you managed. If it helps you to keep busy and work out, then do it.
(((Kris))) Hang in there, you are doing fine.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
He'll have to manage somehow. No more eating out this week I guess.