S17 reminded me that he could have been having the beginnings of a panic attack.
He had stopped drinking for one year with no effects whatsoever but now that he is home, he is drinking more as his way to self medicate.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I just wondered if he hadn't anything to drink yesterday and that could cause his shaking. My sister has a big drinking problem and she shakes if she doesn't drink, she feels all nervous, etc and then that just causes her to go get a drink to "relax."
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
NO, he drinks everyday but drinks more on weekends. He does not get drunk on weeknights.
The guilt is overwhelming and when mixed with the alcohol, it is messy to say the least inside his head.
MLC is awful, and his cycling is as if his head is spinning and spinning. To be expected............
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, it's tougher than tough.
Have you gone to Al-Alon? If not, I highly suggest it for you and Alateen for your kids.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
With that said, there is nothing we can do because he has to want to get help and right now, he does not want to.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I wanted to add that MLCers have a tendency to drink--a lot!! This is not something that is out of the ordinary but from what some others have told me about their spouses, they do drink heavily when they return home and then it eventually tapers off.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I completely agree, but Al-anon and Alateen teach you guys ways to cope with a problem that you can't change. This is about you and not him.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Just trying to be supportive and help you all find a way to more easily navigate the mine field.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
The main thing for him is dealing with the guilt of what he did to us and of course the guilt he feels because he had to hurt OW by coming back to me/us.
In time he will realize that she really wasn't a very nice person but that is not something I dwell on or think about.
This is probably the toughest time for the MLCer when they return home.
The last time he came home he was only here for about three weeks and of course the circumstances were much different.
He is going on week six of being home. Their heads just keep spinning because a part of them wants to do what is right while the other part says to do the opposite.
It is just part of the process.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
