Thanks everyone for the input, and Floyd, I beg your forgiveness for not having visited your thread in so long. I haven't been on the BB as often as I used to. I have so many negatives in my life right now (getting downsized and now having to find work in an oversaturated market, marital problems, being sued, having to declare bankruptcy, trying to buy a new home before bankruptcy, selling our home, interviewing for jobs and being turned down...)that I don't feel I have much to offer anyone. I have certainly not been DBing as much as I used to. I should try to get back on track with those efforts.
As for how I feel about her family withholding information, I can see your points but I just do not feel their motives were so altruistic. Their collective attitude was "whatever makes you happiest, dear." Like I said, her mother admitted to me the family handled the situation poorly; she did so by wanting a relationship with her daughter so much that she ws happy to talk with my wife about how much the other man was making her happy! Maybe this is more misplaced anger, but I don't think so. I do not like being a cuckold, and no matter whom tells you, it is still going to be painful.
We looked at a cozy home last night and we like it. Later that evening, we were talking about it and how nice it will be nice to have our children be able to walk to school...I allowed my excitement about a new beginning and my trepidation show through. I asked her if she was going to stay with me and not leave in another ten years. She teared up and said yes. Apologized again for her transgressions. She asked, "You don't believe me when I promise to stay, do you?" Then she said she "shouldn't feel sad or angry that I would ask such a question. She shouldn't expect me to believe her when she says it will never happen again."
I believe her. I have forgiven her. I have even begun to trust her. But every now and then I falter. Her cell phone rings, and she walks away while answering it...for a second I think "is it him? Or maybe another?" Then I beat myself up with guilt because I know how hard she is working on herself. I have become posessive. Once in a whil the thought "she did it once, that means she is capable of doing it again." Then it's back to the self loathing for feeling that way.
You have to understand that one of the main reasons I married her (besides her charm, beauty, kindness, empathy, character, intelligence, sensuality...) was that we had been friends for so long, I KNEW she would never hurt me this way. I KNEW she would be incapable of cheating on me. I have had that happen too often in my life.
Ok, now I'm off of my soapbox. She is changing for the better and so am I. And I am still desperately in love with her. I'm sure we can get past this with a little help from each other, you folks, and the Lord above.
Oh Sad (and SAM), I'm so sorry things are piling up on you two all at once!
Just think though, when you look back at this time in say 2 or 10 years you can look at each other and say...we MADE IT through a patch that would have descimated a lesser pair.
I have faith in both of you, I have faith in God that he will hold you both up through it all.
Hi guys...just thought I'd let you know I'd been checking up...thanks so much for all your support. We definitely have great ups & downs, as individuals and as a couple, but I do believe that in 2 or 10 years (as you put it, Shiny), well, even NOW sometimes we look at each other and realize that a lot of couples wouldn't have gotten through this.
Well, when I say that, it makes me feel very guilty and scared that SBH will decide not to stay. But I do trust him and I know he loves me and I know I love him, so I also know we will get past this!
SAM, of COURSE I don't know Sad anywhere near as well as you do!!! DUH! But from following his thread from pretty much the beginning, I think it's pretty clear he's in this for keeps!
My health is going to sh!t now that the rains have stopped. Pollens and molds are everywhere, making it difficult to breathe. Painting the church has made my skin break out in hives. I fell asleep at work twice yesterday because I had so much Benadryl flowing in my veins. I told Sam yesterday that I hope she didn't consider this "more of the same" behavior that led to the infidelities. I know that being with someone who is ill a majority of the time must be draining. No wonder she cheated.
We went to the park recently and another family was there walking their small dog. My D(5.5) was completely taken with the creature. Sam struck up a conversation and discovered that this kind of dog is bred for people with allergies and it is pretty rare that someone would have a reaction to it. So i asked if I could hold the dog to see if I can take it. I rubbed the dog's fur on my cheek and on my upper arm (two areas that are very sensative and itch a lot). At first, nothing. But soon I felt that all too familiar tingle. Sam asked how I was feeling. I lied and said fine, because I know how much she and the kids would love to have a dog. But after a while I couldn't hide my discomfort. Alas, I was allergic to the dog. We will never be able to have pets. Period. I feel so...deformed.
I have been betrayed by my body for the whole of my life. I have been hospitalized for simply petting a horse. I almost died that day. My mom discovered that I had passed out in my bed, and my eyes were swollen shut. I was barely breathing. My father tossed my heap into the station wagon and drove furiously to the hospital. He said he wasn't nervous until the ER doc met him at the door. The doc opened the car door and laid me down on the seat. He rubbed my sternum a moment and like a man killing a vampire plunged this five inch long needle into my heart. He squirted adrenalyn into my heart, removed the needle and gave me CPR. (LL, I admire you for wanting to be an EMT). That's why I hate my body. It is defective and it must be part of the reason my w strayed.
My D said last night she hated me and wanted a new father, as did my son. I know they love me deeply and do not mean such things but their words still sting. They just don't know how close they came to having a new father.
I know it is wrong to feel like this. Sam made me feel as though my health wasn't a problem at all because I has so many other good qualities and there were plenty of things we can do indoors. My study of karate also is good for my self image. Fighting for long periods of time is impossible because of my asthma, but I still enjoy sparring. Besides, if attacked on the street the fight should last no longer than three seconds.
But family duties are keeping me from working out. Sam says it is ok for me to go, but then gets upset that she has to always put the kids to bed, and lately that has been quite a chore. I am an advanced belt and those classes are late. Sam doesn't complain (openly) but I know it bother's her. She sort of passively aggressively let's me know by reminding me she needs so much sleep.
I know, I know. I'm rehashing old crap. We've been here before. Her infidelities weren't about me at all. They were about her problems and when am I going to get over it? I don't know. My PMA can KMA today. I am just not feeling well. In fact, I am about to fall asleep at my desk because of Banadryl and Xanex. And whet really sucks is I stilly itch and feel grumpy.
Hey, SBH, it isn't wrong... Although I have allergies (and a mild case of asthma), I never had the run-ins like you. However, I can relate to how your illnesses (really allergies) seem to be catching up with you lately. For the last couple of weeks I feel as though the burdens of the last year and a half have finally taken their toll on my body. I've just felt plain crummy. Mostly, I think it's allergies, like those that are affecting you; however, I can't help but think they are coming on a bit stronger than they should.
SBH, IMHO, it is very important that you go to Karate and I'm sure SBH-SAM recognizes this. Because of your allergy/asthma condition, it's critical that you keep yourself in shape. Likewise, it boosts your PMA. You guys have a lot going on and I'm sure are quite fatigued. This is all the more reason why each of you need to take care of yourselves, both together and in your own ways... It's all about balance...
I'm hanging in there. Some days are better than others and the pma has been going up and down lately. Sam and I are busy trying to pack so we can move. Unfortunately we have nowhere to move to; we seem to get beaten on every house we want. We'll just have to keep looking.
At least it keeps us busy. Less time to think or obcess about things.
Nothing from the lawyers of late. Not sure if that's good or bad. So, I'm just in a holding pattern.
I asked her if she was going to stay with me and not leave in another ten years. She teared up and said yes. Apologized again for her transgressions. She asked, "You don't believe me when I promise to stay, do you?" Then she said she "shouldn't feel sad or angry that I would ask such a question. She shouldn't expect me to believe her when she says it will never happen again."
