Going on Four Weeks MLCer Home

[job]

SF,
Please take care of yourself during this time. He's doing what most of them do when they return home--he's still very much confused and depressed and unknowingly is testing you. Many of them will test your mettle to see if you are strong enough and have changed enough to take them and their behaviors on w/o backsliding into the old patterns of yesteryear. They will push your buttons and deep down, hope that you'll say "enough, out the door you go". He may not admit this, but I suspect that deep down, he's still not ready to be there on a full time basis.

The comment the other day about divorce (lawyers), I think he was very unhappy w/himself and not being 100% there for you and the children is what may have triggered that comment. Also, it was a way of getting a reaction from you to see if you were disgusted enough to spur him on.

It's never easy when they come home. They are still very fragile and aren't strong enough to let go of all of their addictions. They want to come home, be there for you, and yet, they are still emotionally stunted. That last spurt of growth takes place at home and it does require major work to get that grown man to mature and level out.

SF, you've been doing an excellent job of working with him. Once they are home, and if nothing rocks the boat and they run again, they usually finish up the last spurt of growth somewhere between 9-18 months. I'm praying that he doesn't run again and will just settle down right there at home and work through his final issues. As for you, I hope and pray that you are okay and doing what you need to do to keep yourself happy and healthy during this stressful time.

Take care.

[Treese]

Sf;

I'm praying for you, you've have done such a great job with your H...

And, I love reading snodderly's advice to everyone...she is wonderful...

Treese

[MidwesternGirl]

thanks, everyone, for your prayers.

my son, i think said it best:

God is in control, do not worry about calls to OW, as this is also a test for me.

I will be still as I am dealing with someone who is depressed seeking comfort with depressants (alcohol).

It is up and down and he seems to be cycling very fast.

I will check in later.

[forward]

Good luck, SF. We are all rooting for you.

[MidwesternGirl]

what a day.

S17 does not remember our conversation at all!!

H went to the grocery store as we were out of ice, soda, and beer. he came back an hour later with a bunch of stuff--things for the kids lunches, steak, beer, soda, ice, etc.

then we go to turn the a/c on and it would not work. had someone come out and got it working and it was not the a/c at all but something else.

then he said he needed to make a lot more money then he does now as he is spending so much.

the thing is: we do not tell him to go to the store and buy all of this stuff. now we might tell him when we need toilet paper, orange juice, that sort of thing but that is it.

H is so wasted right now and it is only 5:22PM.

he texted her one hour ago.

i do not like this............

i will be still because you cannot rationalize anything with a drunk.

[MidwesternGirl]

PS

He seems to be spinning lots.

I think he is okay for two days, then three days bad moods, two days okay, and so on.

[MidwesternGirl]

All okay today.

I think we have his spinning cycles downpat so I know what to expect and when.

He escapes most on weekends with his self-medicating (alcohol) but I have to say, the texts which are so very few to OW are nothing to me. I have to say that before he moved out almost two years ago and prior to the time we found out about the A, the calls or texting was so frequent and this is nothing but a blip in the process as far as I am concerned.

Also, the baiting when he is drinking--I am glad I knew how to handle it because I just got up and went inside. It stopped thankfully.

Like I said, I think today is okay. Made him breakfast and lunch and I will see him when he gets home from work.

God really is in control so I will be still and let it be.

[plentyhope]

Steelers, Your being still is a good thing, I think. Glad that the phone contact with OW isn't bothering you too much. God sure teaches us lessons through the difficult times. I often remember the verse that says "I am able to do immeasurably more than you can ever imagine...", which I find much comfort in.

[MidwesternGirl]

lastnight H came home and asked where S17 was, said he needed to talk to him. H said he was not feeling well and ditched his dinner.

S17 came home and they talked for about 90 minutes or so on the patio. S17 later told me that his dad is messed up in the head but did not mention me, ow, divorce, etc. Whatever S17 does, it makes his dad feel a little better.

then later, H talked to D16, he told her that drinking too much is very bad and that you cannot hide behind it for long to escape your problems. then he was talking about how even though he and i had problems, we still love her and her siblings and was crying. she said he kept wiping his eyes.

lastnight when he got into bed, he was trembling something terrible for about 15 minutes and then it stopped.

this is the longest time without intimacy between us as well.

according to S17, H said he does not remember any thing he did while drunk this weekend.

H is in a miserbale mood today.

[cw68]

Did you H stop drinking? His trembling could be DTs and they can be fatal. Here's a good article: http://www.medhelp.org/forums/addiction/archive/18.html