I know that what we have right now is rare for these boards; who am I to complain when at least we are talking and moving in the right direction. But I just finished painting our church for another 6 hours of community service for punching her ex lover. I'm exhausted and maybe that's why I feel like I do right now: empty.
There is a picture of our family in a hallway dedicated to new members. At the time, I felt we were recharging our marriage. There was so much hope. Little did I know she was already having her first affair. Now the picture makes me sick.
I am being sued by her ex lover for $500k because i kicked his butt. She is being sued for $1.5 mil by the guy's wife for malpractice. It's just too much to take. All of the past year before I discovered the affairs was about sacrifice. I was to work the night shift so I would have time to study, earn more technology certifications, make more money so we could keep up with our bills. Now, I'm stuck feeling empty while at least at one point she felt the excitement of having three men in love with her.
She cried so hard last night. She said she was so ashamed and that she was a bad person. God, I hate to see her hurt. I held her, and rocked her, held her and rocked her. I rubbed her hair. I whispered "everything is going to be ok." She is NOT a bad person. And I think everything will be ok...someday.
But, I love her I love her I love her I love her and I don't want to see the marriage fail. But I am so tired of being kicked and kicked and kicked! These cival suites will bring to light details that I don't want to hear!
I guess I'm not being thankful enough for what I have. Maybe I'm just tired and should go to bed. 'Night all.
