Yes I agree Kalni. That's why I HAVE to "stick to my guns". I don't want the pattern to keep repeating itself.
O.K. Now I know it's definitely MLC. My H just called me to ask about a letter he's been expecting to arrive in the mail. Then he tells me he's looking at taking a course to get his motorcycle license and that he wants to get a motorcycle!!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I used to like motorcycles, though. I wanted one when we just got married (for myself) and my H said NO, too dangerous. May be I should get one now :D.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I know a lot of guys are fascinated with motorcycles but at 45(almost), and with everything else going on, it's textbook MLC. He mentioned it again last night when he came by. I told him I'll have to start shopping around for my leather gear. He smiled.
Talk about being in a daze. On Friday I got my hair done - blonde hilites. I'm a brunette so the blonde hilites are very noticible. We spent practically all day Saturday together, saw each other a couple of times on Sunday. Then yesterday he finally says "Oh you got your hair 'tinted'. Looks nice." lol
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Then yesterday he finally says "Oh you got your hair 'tinted'. Looks nice." lol
Well, at least, he thought it was nice .
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Addie, one thing I want to point out to you is you are telling your H what you want in order for things to work out which is great but be aware, if he is desperate to find somewhere to stay, he can easily tell you what you want to hear. I don't want to sound rude about that but be on the lookout.
He has stated of financial difficulties but is looking at getting a motorcycle, something don't add up on that.
You appear to be doing great on your end, keep up what you are doing and make sure that if your H does want to work on your sitch that it is coming from the heart, not what he thinks you need to hear. Only you will be the one that will know this. Good luck and keep up the great job you are doing.
ping, thanks for your observations and no, you did not come across as being rude at all. I had the exact same thoughts when he mentioned getting a motorcycle (he's talking about a used one, not new) but kept them to myself and instead I showed some interest in what he was saying. He told me again tonight that he can't continue living in the place he is in now, that he's looking at one more place tomorrow and if it's not suitable...he didn't really finish the sentence. I didn't comment on any of it. I made it clear to him when we talked a couple of days ago that if he moves back I want it to be for the right reasons, that we both want to work on the marriage, not just for convenience. I do know that he's still confused. When the time comes, I'll have to decide whether I think he's speaking from the heart.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Addie, from what you used to tell about your sitch, I always had the impression that your H is honest with you. Well, as honest as MLCer can possibly be. He was trying to protect you from having your hopes up and he was telling you exactly how and what he felt on several occasions. He is in a fog for sure, but I don't think he'd try to take advantage of you and hurt your feelings so bad again only in order to escape from his loud roommates.
May be I'm just a silly old optimist
I think you should trust your feelings, after all you know him best, if he is not sincere, you will know it in your heart.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Stella, your impression is accurate. My H does not want to hurt me - he has told me this repeatedly. He has hurt me due to his own innerconflicts. He came by tonight but didn't mention whether he'd found another place.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Same way my H tried/tries to be. Sometimes they just can't help it. It's them against theirselves and consequently us.
I 've been reading a lot of threads here on the BB. There are some cruel, unstable, "crazy" people giving a lot of crap to their spouses regarding kids, money, abuse, physical & mental because of drugs, alcool etc....
Sometimes I feel lucky my H is pretty much OK and I think that in some cases I would have dropped the rope if I were in their shoes a long time ago. I feel great respect for these spouses still trying to save the Ms.
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