you're welcome, sam.

I've noticed a lot of uncertainty on the bb of late. Seems like I am in good company. Not only are there issues of trust that must be dealt with, but what about the anger or resentment? What do you do with the feeling that somebody has to pay! Vindication, right Jethro? Shiny, why do you still have things to remind you of the past? Do you want to maybe (even just a little) someday flash those emails at CJ and say "Look what you put me through! You owe me!" Even LL is having doubts regarding the authenticity about the affections sent her way.

If not for sage to kick us and whack us with a 2x4 we would all probably be nuts! Hell, maybe we are.

Thing is, does anyone think it is more than coincidence that a lot of us are feeling these doubts at the same time? Why do you suppose that is? Are we feeding off of each other? No, I don't think so.

I sent an email to sam beating myself up saying:
If I were around more then sam would never have strayed.
If I showed more affection then sam would never have strayed.
If I made more money then sam would never have strayed.
If I were better looking then sam would never have strayed.
If I had an exciting job then sam would never have strayed.
If I had a better body then sam would not have strayed.
etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

It is so damn hard to get past the hurt from being betrayed. I want to blame myself, my wife, her other men, my truck, society and everything else! Yet, I do not think this is a bad thing. Are we collectively screwed up?

Well, probably, but we are all of us in a similar place because we have been working so hard dbing. All of us have seen each other's successes, and failures. We have helped each other through some rough experiences. Given each a cyber pat on the shoulder to say, "Hey, I know, man. This sucks, but I'm here for ya."

I know i'm rambling but I think there is a point in here somewhere...We are having these doubts because we are at a point where we are supposed to be. Because of our work dbing, our marriages have dramatically improved from this time last year or since the bombs have dropped. We have their attention and it is a lot like when we first fell in love with our spouses. Well, maybe not the physical part but certainly the "do I really love this person and can I trust him/her?" All over again. We are supposed to be scared. Like it or not, we have built some walls to protect ourselves and our spouses will just have to help us take them down.

We are all at the same place because it is part of the process; we are where we are supposed to be. This doesn't mean we should stop our dbing efforts at all. If anything it's full steam ahead!

The failures that were our marriages are just an opportunities to try again with more information.

gosh i hate it when i get all optimistic, make no sense, and sound corny...