Just checking in to say "HEY !!!" Spring sprung for a day here and now it is a bit nippy but okay. Went to see my attorney last Thursday as the kids father's attorney sent me an adjournment because they were trying to close the case before she goes on a leave. But she was leaving the date for May now...
I told the attorney no more, just get this done already. I also went to see my therapist and she asked me to explore some reasons why I kept clinging to the idea that H would come to his senses and stop this whole thing.
Good question. When she asked, i could immediately see Lis telling me that 'I had been here before". So true.
She also mentioned that the longer that I held on like that the greater my disappointment would be if it did not happen. So, i have bit of homework to do before my next appointment. Funny, when she confronted me on this issue, I almost felt that I needed to deny that I was holding on... What was i so afraid of to let go? I mean to really, really, really let go ?
Truth be told, H and I could have just been speaking two different languages. Mine the looking for anything to grasp onto as a sign of the turning point and his, "getting some" and seeing just how far he could go and get... weakening me for the final blow... who knows, it does not really matter. What matters is that I need to keep my boundaries firm.
A friend once told me "actions speak louder than words and especially with men". True dat. Another friend told me that I needed to move past this to save myself to open my eyes to how blessed I really am ...it is all true.
So let's see what happens.
Now that I have pushed the "fast forward button on the remote" with the attorney I genuinely feel more at peace. Funny, that same night that I went to the attorney, H called me at about midnite. I was sleeping, for a change. I started to read something into it but I kept my sleepy voice on and he cut his converstion very short. "he said that he "just wanted to make sure that the kids told me that he said "hi". Yup I said, they did. okay. Nite." Click. I rolled back over and went to sleep.
Not so long ago I would have stayed up all night tossing and turning trying to figure out why he called, what it really meant, blah, blah, blah.... No more. Nothing means nothing until it means something. And it is not going to mean something unless it is meant to.
Onward and forward.
Smooches to you all ...
*Ever*
Lis,no recuerdo su estacion y quiero visitar.Tengo el mismo email si recuerdas.Besos a la familia. Tiene el mismo email?
