The truth is, my H DOESN'T like himself. And no matter how much faith I have in him, that won't give him faith in himself. He has said more than once that he does not like the person he has become. That he seems to be lost from himself and doesn't know how to find his way back. It is hard for me because I am a caretaker and a fixer and this is beyond the scope of my ability. Plus, I know, it is not my job.
He wasn't always this way, not to this extent. I know that it must have started years ago, he has said since he has been with me, which is when he was only 18 years old. I think he has tried to minimize the hole, avoid it, ignore it, but it grew bigger without him working on it the right way. He pushes things down, hides them from me and from others, and it just grows and grows. So then, ten years or so ago, he just started trying to fill it/block it out by making the bad choices (strippers, magazines, cheating, going out with the guys, etc).
I am not sure he sees it that way, but I do. I don't know if he can save himself. I hope he can. At least it seems like he wants to at this point.
