I've never met your husband, but my guess is that he doesn't like himself and therefore can't like/love anyone else. Being smart has nothing to do with it. He needs to find whatever it is inside of him hurts and work on it. The way you are describing him makes me think that there is a "black hole" inside of him for some reason and he keeps trying to find ways (other women, strippers, etc) to fill it.
If it makes a difference I used to have a bit of a similar issue (albeit smaller scale). I used to think that my wife was the only person that could make happy. I used her love to fill that hole in me. When she told me it was over that hole sure was empty. Since then I have figured out that I can make myself happy. It took at lot of soul searching, some good friends and some people to talk to (including you).
