I, too, am a Christian and I admire your faith and the courage it must have taken to do that. I will never discount our Lord's ability to move upon our wives' hearts and do a miracle in them, and in our lives.
That being said, I don't agree AT ALL with your counselor. How can it be "best for your kids" to live in a home where one of their parents is carrying on an affair, and staying out until the wee hours of the morning?
And while reasonable people may differ about pro- and anti-exposure, I've NEVER heard ANYONE say it's a good idea to confront the OM/OW. All it does it elevate them to a position of respect that they don't deserve. Almost like the President of the United States agreeing to meet with a top terrorist.
You seem to be looking to the OM -- an adulterer, by definition -- to "do the right thing." All cheaters lie, and the salvation for your marriage does not lie within this man's sinful heart. It lies in YOURS, and in your ability to stand up for your marriage and your family and do the right thing, with God's help.
Jesus said to "love thy enemies," but He also knew when it was time to throw over the moneychangers' tables when they desecrated the temple. Ours is a holy God, and He abhors adultery.
I'll back off, and I said my peace, but I think you're making a big mistake.
