I haven't heard of marriagecare - how did you find out about them?
Don't beat yourself up to much about last night or about the OM and the other guy who you feel is acting inappropriately; when your W goes on maternity leave these situations will resolve themselves in all likelyhood. I think the more you keep pressing these points at the moment the more upset you will make yourself. These other people are symptoms, NOT the cause, of your M problems. You have been doing so well with your changes. Don't undermine all your hard work.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I heard of marriagecare in the front of the yellow pages. They also have a website.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
You dont rate RELATE? Why is that? I did call them a while back, but the waiting list was too long.
I was a bit sick today, which probably helped promote my down mood. I also felt today like I `needed` my W. But there was a difference in the need I think. Couple of months ago, I NEEDED my W. COuldnt imagine life without her. Now I am in the better position of I know I can survive without my W, I dont want to of course... thats why I am here. But today, I was just a husband who needed his Ws help. I can be a stong man, no problems there. But I think alot of strong men have a strong woman there to support him. Blair...Clinton...alot of folks in the public eye.
Was just nice to be reminded why I am doing this. (Also not nice to have to feel down!)
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
GL Steve, it's just tough and you will question everything you do if it goes wrong. we will all make mistakes and slip up, but get back on the horse and try again.
I had a terrible evening and most of today but after getting home from work and playing with the boys for 2-3 hours, I feel so much better. It gave the wife a break and I feel closer to my oldest than I ever have as he's such a mummies boy in general.
I'm interested in this marriage care also, is there a website ? (i'll google anway)
I've known people who have used RELATE and had a really bad experience. Also my C told me that he hadn't heard good reports about them.
The people I know who have used them have usually had advice on how to end things in a civil manner, rather than how to stay together!!!(It could be a local problem of course).
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I have decided not to go ahead with the coucelling. W is after no pressure, and things are progressing smoothly as they are anyway. I get the feeling that OM is pressuring her. She didnt say directly, but just the odd little thing she says. Tables are turned now! I gave W a massage last night. The `friend` guy text her. I got quite cold with her. She told me not to worry as there is absolutely nothing that she finds attractive about him. I told her I trust her, but not him. I asked how often he text, she said at least 3 times a day. I taught my W the word `inappropriate` (if you rememebr English is her 2nd Language). She said that he was being inappropriate and made her a bit uncomfortable. She said that she is just trying to be low key about it and hopes that it will die out from him. I offered my services to `have a word`... I promised not to be mean or to go in swinging, but I would be firm and make sur ehe understands. She seemed to mull this over a bit, and thanked me.
After this I got up and went to go back to my bedroom, but she started crying abit. Apologizing again. I asked if she wanted me to lie with her for a few minutes before I went to bed, so she said yes please. I was getting into the bed when she said I needed to turn off my bedroom light. I asked if that meant she wanted me to spend the whole night... she said she didnt know. Anyway I spent the whole night. We woke up about 2am, and the baby was kicking so I had a good feel of that. We fell asleep holding hands.
Moving forward.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
She said that he was being inappropriate and made her a bit uncomfortable. She said that she is just trying to be low key about it and hopes that it will die out from him. I offered my services to `have a word`... I promised not to be mean or to go in swinging, but I would be firm and make sure he understands.
I'd back you up on this one, no aggro, just a quiet word. However chances are this "friend" won't end his inappropriate behaviour unless W tells him "No" in a very firm manner, I'm not sure if she understands this. Hopefully this saga will end when W goes on maternity, if not sooner.
Overall things look to be going in you favour, I'm not gonna tell you not to push things cos you got the best handle on your sitch, but everyday your posts and you in yourself sound more and more positive.
However chances are this "friend" won't end his inappropriate behaviour unless W tells him "No" in a very firm manner, I'm not sure if she understands this.
This I think could be a cultural problem as she is Japanese and they are very polite, dont want to sound rude to people even if they dont like them!lol. So that is why I would like to step in, be a `protective wall` as it were (of course that is assuming she wants that). Also more than willing to do that with OM too. Think I can stay off the violence there too!lol. Before I wanted to kick his ass out of revenge, now I can see he is casung my W problems, and I just want to `save` her. Again... assuming she ever wanted that.
W called me again today, wanted to share some news she couldnt tell anyone else. That was nice.
I think we are slowly getting closer to an agreement to go abck to Japan. W was saying that she really missed Japan last night.
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
Wish OM would just `#$& off back to his own family! Leave me and my family a chance to get started in this life! I know he is interested in Ws pregnancy.... just %&$% off!!!
Vent over!
Things keep getting better slowly. I just wish my W was a little bit more proactive in this. I hope that things work themselves out when we get to the maternity leave stage (or before) that is just 4 months away though. Going to be hard. I wont mess this up. I think I am pretty much there with getting back to the guy I want to be. (except the 6pack). Ball is in Ws court now. Instead of hitting it back to me, she seems to have picked it up and is looking at it.
Am I right in continuing `as if` things are ok? I know that it is working for now, but I dont want this technique to just bypass the whole issue of her job, OM, the way she seems to deal with male friends in general. I am not sure that backing off from her now (because I am not happy about sitch in general) would be a good idea? But I dont know.
I seem to be back in the bed now, 4 days now. This is a big step forward I think. Dont really want to step back by myself into the sofabed unless it is really needed.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
