Living one day at a time

[Dr LOve]

KLM,
Thanks....
I do not smoke in my car... well not in the jeep... I smoked for a while in the p.u so it already stinks. I also do not smoke in the house or around my son. (Son is 11 and has never seen me smoke). When we used to go in trips when we were a family. I did not smoke for sometimes two weeks at a time... so I am a strange case. I know about the stress issue but I also think it is an excuse... I am tired of my marriage sitch; I am tired my looking hard for baby steps... But I think this time quitting will give me something to do that I CAN SEE PROGRESS. Plus the Money I will save and the "Honey" (woman) I may find to enjoy the rest of my life with....As for changing my routine.. I don't smoke around my son so I will try to keep him by my side... Please KLM I know My W won't so will you check up on me??? Keep me honest??
My life for the last year seem to be waiting for one thing after another, wait till my wedding annv., wait till son’s b-day, wait till my B-Day, wait till Vegas now wait till W gets a job... I made a feeble attempt to quit a few months back and told wife. A few days after I said something to W about not having a Cigarette for a while and her response was. "Great now am I going to have to praise you now?"... It was not a very encouraging response. Yes W's attitude was a little different now but I am going through a morphing again. I am changing the way I dress for work. I think she has noticed that... I will be honest with you all... I am ready to quit both smoking and trying to keep this front of a marriage up. I have no body to talk out loud to about my worries, how my day went, how I feel... so I talk to myself allot in my head. I find myself doing it more and more... I can’t tell you how many times I have argued with my W about our sitch and the OM IN MY HEAD...Yesterday It was about Sex... And how she could say it was no big deal to her anymore and yet give it away to the OM and deny my feelings for over a year... today IN MY HEAD I was telling her as soon as son and I get back from our vacation I think we should discuss going our separate ways....
Ok enough about me talking to my self.... back to smoking... It is actually something I am looking forward to. It is a challenge (unlike my marriage) that I HAVE CONTROL OVER... Cool huh? I actually wanted to start on the annv. Of the bomb but could not contact the Quitting group in time sooo Next week will be day one... Not a bad memory... Let's see the last Cigarette I had was a year and 1 week after I found my wife's affair pictures....

Later and have a great day...

Oh ya the doctor released me for my back problems and gave me some stretching to do to help me.....

Bye
Husband