Puppy Dog, my current C is advising against my wife moving out right now. The C is saying I should have the kids' best interest in mind, which is for them to be not separated from their mother.
She suggested I speak to the OM instead, which I did this evening.
My wife and the kids left for the mall with her sister. I managed to borrow my wife's phone before she left. She deleted a few things, however, before she gave it to me. I looked up the OM's number to call him up from my phone. He answered. I introduced myself as WW's husband. I invited him out to coffee. He first said, "I don't think it's a good idea." I said, "I think it's a *real* good idea." I assured him though, that there would be no physical danger to him. (I mean come on, the guy lifts weights daily. I'm a short, scrawny guy.) I was just going to talk to him and reveal my heart about the whole matter. I said we'll choose a very public place, like a coffee shop, and talk man-to-man. He agreed.
Ten minutes later, I'm sitting across the table from him. I thanked him for coming out to meet me. He said it's the least he could do. I started by saying, "You've met a couple of my kids, right?" (This should be a whole new thread but yeah, my WW on one occasion was with the OM when she picked up our S4 from daycare, and on another occasion had herself dropped off by the OM at the house while S11 was playing outside.) He says, "Yes, I have." I then proceed to take out photos from an envelope I brought with me. I showed one of our wedding pictures and several family photos all throughout the years.
I then proceeded to say, "My wife has a problem. She has an addiction. I am not powerful enough to stop it, but I believe you're the only possible person who can help her." "How so?" he asks.
I told him, "My wife is addicted to the romance, the excitement and the intimacy of the affair. And I need you to stop seeing her. I want to win my wife back.
"You've got to realize I've been married to her 11 years, I've know her for 15 years, and have been with her for 13 years. We have three wonderful children. I understand you value your relationship with your girlfriend. I hear you are planning on getting married after a while."
"That's a bit of an exaggeration. That's another one with problems," he says. "Well, that's what my wife told me," I say. "Anyway, the way you value your relationship with your girlfriend, I value my marriage with my wife so much more. I love her dearly."
"I saw that you were wearing a cross in the photos from the day at the amusement park. Does that cross mean anything to you?" I asked. He says, "Yes." "Well, I believe my marriage is a union ordained by God. I take seriously my marriage vows and I would like to honor it until the day I die."
"My wife is going through a crazy stage right now. She has been faithful to me for the first 10 years of our marriage. I do not know who she is right now."
Then he says, "I don't mean any disrespect by saying this. I will agree to stop seeing her but knowing WW, she will not want it."
"That's why I need your help. I need you to back off."
Then I ended the meeting by saying, "I hope you understand what I'm telling you here." He says, "I do." I get up, I shake his hand, he says, "Nice to meet you." I say the same.
In retrospect, there are a couple of things I should've mentioned. 1) I should've emphasized how much of an impact the affair is having on the kids, and in the long run how it could majorly affect their lives. I should've called them each by their name while showing him the pictures and pointed out how they're good boys and how they excel in school right now and how all of that could crumble if they grow up without their mother and father being together. 2) (maybe) I should've mentioned how my wife is confused and tells me that she wants to be with me when she's with me but feels the same when she's with him.
I must say that without prayer, and God's guidance, I wouldn't have gone through it. I called one of my church buddies right before meeting the OM to pray for me as well.
I don't know where this will lead. My wife stepped in the door from talking to the OM several minutes ago. She had a frown on her face.
I'm trusting the One who ordained our marriage on this.
"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
