Quote: why do i now see sam's two affairs as seperate instead of one big problem like i used to? why am i now more angry about the first affair? is it because i kicked the OM#2's a$$ and have been asked not to say anything to OM#1? why don't i see the two affairs as being the same problem anymore?
possibly because they are two sepearte events...two seperate people...seperate circumstances... possibly the fact that you have been asked to say nothing to om#1...seems to in your mind give him more power...but infact...kicking his ass would serve to give him power..or at least let him know the power you've let him have over you.
Quote: why was i so stupid as to allow this to happen in the first place?
you didn't allow the a's to happen sam did...you allowed the m to get to a place were it would be a possiblity.
Quote: I forgave Sam for her transgressions and I meant it. But today, i feel i can forgive, but not trust.
trust is going to take time...try just giving the benefit of the doubt for now.
Quote: why can't this be easy?
what fun would that be???
Quote: We had a great time together this weekend. why can't i carry that feeling with me today. maybe my meds are off. maybe it's something else. i am so tired of trying to be the good guy where i ask myself all of the time, "is this going to help me save my marriage, or lose it?"
it is tiring...sometimes you have to just cut yourself a little slack and be you...eventually you reach a point where it isn't about "saving the m" anymore..but about bettering the r..and at that point every little thing needen't be put to the "is this going to bring me closer" ringer..
in re to not being able to carry that good feeling from the weekend over to today??? perhaps the fear that it's not real?? I know that's what happens to me..
Quote: i am me. i am not proud of it, and i am sometimes embarrassed by it, but this is what i am. i didn't deserve this. then i get angry with myself for my self pity. then i get angry that i am angry because i have a right to be angry. I am confused and discouraged
why are you not proud to be you..why are you embarrassed to be you??? is that even what you are saying?? the other feelings you are having must be normal cause I feel them too.
Quote: my roller coaster lows are lower than before and my highs higher. Why should i believe it will get better? why should i believe everything is ok,
are the lows really lower, or is it that the highs are so much higher that a low seems so low...look back and see if your lows are truly lower than past lows...
why believe everything is going to be ok?? why not believe it??
KAW has spoken before about thing working like a pendulum...I've had the highs and lows in my sit too...eventually the pendulum swings balance out...and not too far off...there will still be good days and bad days but eventually the pendulum doesn't stray too far off center.
