GD where is your thread ?? cant find you , would like to know how things going.
What have I done.
I have been away and just sent a quick message to advise that I arrived safe , W send a quick txt back saying enjoy you trip or something like that. We had brief contact when I arrived home yesterday , she had prepared dinner for me and the kids , some small talk then she left to do some shopping. Thats the sum total of our contact.
So thats the plan over the next week or so . Contact when I need to , other than that friendly but not going out of my way to do stuff or make contact , just backing off a bit nothing drastic.
I do hope things have settled a bit for you. I had it easy as a lot of what went on was hidden , if it was in my face like it was for you I dont know how things would have worked out.
There is still a lot of emotions I just "put away" for the want of a better expression so that I can focus on the big picture.
W would describe us as friends, I dont think we are there yet realy as friends is more than being tolerant of each other and civil.
Its a bit early to tell right now other that she is being more cooperative at present and she did come to me to get a kiss goodbye when she picked up D on Saturday .
Journaling Now.
I have backed off with W a small amount , being friendly but not going out of my way to make contact unless its something re the Kids. Too early to see if this is going to cause a reaction and I have noticed an effort on her part to be more cooperative. W was around home Sat night and stayed for Dinner and a movie as usual , was starting to feel Ill but took D home with her so that I could go out to a party. Sunday I Text her too see when she was dropping D back she replied and also stated she was ill. I know her lawn was out of control so I went round and mowed it for her , she was appreciative.
What I did note was interesting.
When W moved to her place just a couple of months ago she kept it spotless , planted the gardens with flowers and was taking some pride. When I called on Sunday I was surprised , weeds in the garden , house looking like it could do with a a clean , dishes in sink from at least day before. I am not reading much into this but making an observation. When she decided to leave home (and this was a year before she actualy left) she lost interest in the garden ( plants died ) and projects were left etc. Its possible she has just been feeling tired and not well , time will tell.
W then called on Sunday while I was busy in garden to spend time with D who had some friends round. W found this all a bit much , as she still ill ,and went and laid on my bed closed door and watched TV . I left her to it and she reappeared as the Girls went while I was in middle of preparing dinner. She stayed for Dinner and then left soon after.
She was quite relaxed and pleasant to have about , I have no real need to contact her until later in the week as D is with me until then so we will see how that goes.
W contacted me to pick up D from her house today. I went around and she offered me Coffee as D was not ready. W was certainly a littel more interested in what I was up to , asked me about my day etc..and genuine interest as the look in her eyes towards me was different , it was warm. This has been absent for so long it was quite nice. Just small talk but not one sided as it has been. When I went to go I just said bye and W got up from where she was sitting to come over and give me a Kiss and small hug.
I am so tempted to abandon the no initiation but not going too , will let this play out for a while yet because she does know how to reel me in and I dont want to make it easy. She needs to be a little uncomfortable if shes keen and if not, then it is not going to make any difference.
"I am so tempted to abandon the no initiation but not going too , will let this play out for a while yet because she does know how to reel me in and I don't want to make it easy. She needs to be a little uncomfortable if shes keen and if not, then it is not going to make any difference."
It is so tempting to start moving in their direction when you begin to see signs of interest isn't it?
Very wise to sit back & let her come to you. I have a feeling you're going to be getting more hugs & kisses that way.
I think it does say something that she's lost some of the "shiny & new" in her home away from you. It may not live up to the fantasy she had in the beginning is probably a pretty good guess.
Good job on this...sounds like your experiment is so far giving you more info to work with. Warm & sunny sure his it on the head re: the temptation to pursue right away once something has been put forward (even something small). But you sound like you're pretty grounded and got a good head on your shoulders! I'm looking forward to hearing more good news!
so good to have you pop in and visit Yes the temptation is there to pursue but I actualy am not bothered , I will leave things as is for a while and observe. Purr I hope for good news but dont see a lot happening too soon.
I am also listing my old threads so I can find my way back.
W ias still at home and looks for now to have given up on moving out for some reason. Most of this will be due to DB'ing on my part and that has resulted in a lot less pressure on W . I know she is doing this for the Kids and she treats me with indifference mostly. Through this process she has withdrawn further , stopped wearing any jewellery that I gave her , stopped wearing wedding ring. The hardest part is that everyone , even casual aquaintances get treated better than me and that is tough to take with a smile. I feel like a neccessary evil in her life. The anger has gone mostly to be replaced with this indifference which is even worse. Right now it feels like we are going nowhere with no progress.
Oh how things have changed in a year, I had almost forgotten how W was back then , We have come a long way since then even though we are apart. There is a touch of Warmth between us now , not a lot but a big thaw over what it was like one year ago today.
