Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Hello!

I didn't realize that I hadn't been on since Thursday the 10th. I guess I'll have to go back a little bit and respond to some comments.

TAL- Don't get me wrong. I did cry at your comments, but not in a bad way. You were so sweet.

Dr. Love....I would LOVE to bring my van by. LO mentioned that she mentioned to a guy at work about putting a headlight bulb in her vehicle. It was like a Deja Vu kind of thing. A few years ago, my tail light was out. I mentioned it to H. No response. Since I'm such a freak about the possibility of getting pulled over for those things, I went to an auto part store and they helped me pick out the right bulb. I was also telling a co-worker about it. He came to my desk at lunch with tools in his hand and said.....Let's go Sue. Let's get the light changed. Took him 2 minutes!!

Yoyo......thank you!

Rob - Thank you too. I do think that my H was shocked that I wasn't bending to his plans again and just jumping to go to Chicago. As far as OW, I don't know why I didn't see her as a MLC'er before your comment. That is soooo her. Her flip-flopping about what she wants....going for the "bad boy", spending beyond their means, wanting to live "her" life...etc. It all fits. Apparently she's taken H's bait once again. The emails, phone calls...etc... have all increased in the past few days. Apparently H has once again pulled her back in. Thank you for telling me that I sound clear headed. I haven't felt this clear about a lot of things in a long time. As always, your comments & support are very helpful for me.

Joie- Thanks for the email. I REALLY appreciated it. I had a very long response typed out for you today and Poof!, gone. Something happened to it.

LO- It does make me sad that I can't rely on my H to take care of me. A friend of mine today said that she's amazed at how much effort he's putting into keeping OW and that if he'd just put 1/2 that effort into our M, we'd be doing okay. And LO, I'm not the only one that will find someone.....you too!

Root- I learned very early in this A that my H's A had nothing to do with how I looked. As much as I hate to admit it, I did not set boundaries with my H. And, my H crossed every one of them...in leaps and bounds. His H was the first one you described....slow...working together...support...friendship...etc.

Karen - I'm in your shoes. I also changed SO much of what H said was wrong. It did no good. You are right.....let's no longer blame ourselves.

Hi Sara!!

Sheila- You are right. Those that are close to us do know the real story of what's been going on. His friends joke with me often asking why I'm still with him....some of them are serious. I'll email you soon. I hope you and the family are well.

One question for everyone. Where is Mark & how is he doing. Okay, so that's 2 questions!!

A bit of Journaling............
Friday - A busy day. I got a TON accomplished and was able to cross a bunch of things off my list here at work. The nagging things that needed to be done. H went out Friday night. He stopped by home first. If you all recall his incident around Easter when he went out with his brother, broke his nose & bled all over the place...... Well, he thought it was funny to tell D4 that it might be the kind of night where he busts his nose again. I kept my mouth shut but almost asked him if that included laying on his child AGAIN!! Unbelievable.

Saturday- H went to work and D4 and I hung out at home. It snowed on Sat and was a good "stay at home" day. H came home from work & fell asleep. I got a really bad migraine and was in bed from about 6:00 pm on. I've never had one before & this just knocked me out.

Sunday- Did some housework and then took D4 to the park & the store. We had a great time. H tossed the rental section of the paper at me and told me that I probably wanted to look at that. I told him that I'd already gone through it. I asked him about his plans. He didn't give me any time frame, but told me that he is going to be moving in with his friend (male). Turns out he's looking right in the same area I was looking in. Not sure if I want him that darn close. When I asked H about whether or not he'd have a roommate, his response was ....Of course, I can't afford to live on my own. I wish I could, but I can't. Wow, again, only thinking of himself. This man will have almost 1/2 the rent that I will have.

Observations.....As I said above, H appears to have pulled OW back into the mess of their A. He's back to being kind of a jerk to me and back on the emails....etc. So, my nervousness over wondering if H was thinking about coming back was very short lived. I forsee a very short lived "actual" relationship between H & OW. She's tried to break away at least 3 times. When reality hits, she'll she what she's done.

H will no longer get any breaks from me when he tells me that he can't afford something. I was going through the mail the other day. We both have a credit card from the same company. I opened his statement. Truly by accident. Charges for....$90.00-pills for him (from the pharmacy), $70...a cheap hotel room (on a night he came home very, very late)....etc. I could go on.

It's time to go pick up D4 from school.

Thanks again everyone! You're always here when I need you!!

-Sue