Iv'e noticed that H doesn't remember a lot, even most things that happened in our M. Things the kids did or things that happened between us, any of it. But, he can tell you what day and year that he shot most of his deer.
This bothers me and makes me feel that I have been so unimportant in his life. At first I thought it was the MLC but, I don't think so. Guess I can just add this to the list of things that go along with my needs not being met.
Iv'e been working on detaching but, it is soooo hard with him here. He sucks me in every time that I pull back from him. I do things for him but I have been quiet speak softly and try not to spend to much time around him. At nite when we are watching tv I will sit on one end of the couch and he will about sit on top of me. When I sit on another piece of furniture he say's, you can sit with me.
But, he doesn't have those feelings emotionally.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Im here to cheer you up!! My h is the same way about remembering things.. and yes down to remembering when he shot his deer
Your feelings are exactly what mine are like, that were are insugnifigant (sp?) creatures unless they needs something from us. I just don't want to be sitting here 20 years later complaining of the same things.
Can you talk to him about not feeling connected? or will he back off more??
My h did good for my bday, but then slacked off yesterday. I asked him 3 x's to come upstairs with me just to watch a movie and he stayed down stairs and played a game on the computer.. I was pi$$ed.. and told him so this morning.
Duh.. they have to be hit with a 2 x 4 sometimes. That's why maybe I think you need to just come right out and tell him.
Looks like the trip for him to Utah is being moved to the middle of may, I'll keep you posted.
Thinking of you... do something you love to do today...
Tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I mentioned his lack of emotional connection a couple of times and he tells me he's sorry that he hasn't been able to meet my emotional needs but, I don't feel he's really working on it, just coasting wating for a light bulb to turn on.
Middle of May huh, we'll have to amke our plan. It will be nicer then.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 04/14/0803:22 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, I'm thinking you're H won't make an effort to change until he's forced to. I think we're all like that when it comes to those areas in which we're underdeveloped and have neglected.
You two are not on the same page--you want space and distance, and he wants a physical connection but no intimacy verbally and emotionally.
When he says that you can sit with him, do you go over to him or stay on your side?
I can remember years ago being kissed by a young lady who went thru the motions, rather than be honest with me. I would have preferred honesty, though her distance showed in the kiss.
I wonder if he senses your distance? I would think that he must know something's up with you.
CL
CL
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I go over and sit with him and maybe I should just say i am fine wheere i am but, I long to feel that connection. For me im hoping that maybe it will begin to feel emotional to him.
Im sure he senses the distance. becuase every time I pull back from him in a loving way he pulls me back in with a lot of attentiveness. He does know something is up and I think it scares him.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, You're situation is reminding me of that movie, "Bridges of Madison County" (it was also a novel) with Clint Eastwood. Do you remember it?
The W is married to a good but emotionally distant man. She has an affair with Clint Eastwood, who plays a photagrapher in the movie. Their R is more than sex though, it's about an emotional connection that she craves.
It raised some interesting questions. Does she deserve more than what she's getting in the M? Would she have been justified in leaving her H for Clint Eastwood for a better life? Is she morally bound to stay in the M and raise her children, even though she's unhappy? Was her H capable of changing (probably not in this case),
Would she be justified in leaving the M at another point in time, that would be moral?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Yes I do remember the movie Iv'e watched it a couple of times actually and it does seem the same to a point. I feel my H is capable of change. It is up to him to decide if he wants to. If not then I will leave as I can't live without that and be truly happy in the M. Comfortable maybe but, thats not me.
She stayed for her children. I feel she would have left if not for them.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
