Saffie if you're still reading and Pup, got a question for you. DS16 has told me a number of times that he wants to call OM and let him have it.
What do you think of that idea? WW would be pissed that I gave DS16 the number, but who cares. Saffie, I know you said that had a big impact on your H. What do you think about that? Would I just be using my kids? Don't want to do that, but at the same time it could allow him a chance to get some of his frustrations out.
Don't know if I'm seriously thinking about it, but I was just re-reading some posts on my thread and yours Saffie jumped out at me.
Hope,
It's a reasonable question. My D(then 18) had the same request, and this is how I was counseled:
Don't facilitate it (like giving her the #), or foment it in any way. Don't encourage it, in other words. But if the child does it, on their own, then you can't stop them -- they're just being true to themselves.
Too late for that Pup. Does my hating her mean I don't have a soft spot for her that may turn back into love if she is serious about NC and begins to come around? No. Maybe I've done the detaching to the extreme. You just get to a point where you've been hurt so much that you shield yourself off from anymore pain.
And I think I could love her again, but not who she is right now. Maybe that's the difference. I love my wife, but hate my wayward wife. If I don't see my real wife, it's easy to hate the wayward one.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Saffie if you're still reading and Pup, got a question for you. DS16 has told me a number of times that he wants to call OM and let him have it.
What do you think of that idea? WW would be pissed that I gave DS16 the number, but who cares. Saffie, I know you said that had a big impact on your H. What do you think about that? Would I just be using my kids? Don't want to do that, but at the same time it could allow him a chance to get some of his frustrations out.
Don't know if I'm seriously thinking about it, but I was just re-reading some posts on my thread and yours Saffie jumped out at me.
Hope,
It's a reasonable question. My D(then 18) had the same request, and this is how I was counseled:
Don't facilitate it (like giving her the #), or foment it in any way. Don't encourage it, in other words. But if the child does it, on their own, then you can't stop them -- they're just being true to themselves.
I think that's just about right.
Puppy
Thing is, the only way he could get OM's number is if I gave it to him. Might have to think about that one.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Too late for that Pup. Does my hating her mean I don't have a soft spot for her that may turn back into love if she is serious about NC and begins to come around? No. Maybe I've done the detaching to the extreme. You just get to a point where you've been hurt so much that you shield yourself off from anymore pain.
And I think I could love her again, but not who she is right now. Maybe that's the difference. I love my wife, but hate my wayward wife. If I don't see my real wife, it's easy to hate the wayward one.
just read your question about your son contacting OM.
My personal feeling is if he wants to do it then let him. He's 16. If this OM does something that affects your son then doesn't he have a right to say something?
Personally it is not an idea I would plant in their heads, but if they put the idea forward and they are old enough, then I would let them.
My D was younger, just 13, and she had met OW when out on a trip with her dad before we knew about the A. She knew OW's mobile telephone number because it was a company phone number and only two digits different from her dad's, and she had been given it on the occasion they went out with OW in case they got separated and needed to find one another, (and yes I was that thick and that trusting I didn't know something was going on - duh!!!).
It didn't seem to have a detrimental effect on my D but it did upset the OW and shocked my H.
I know of one other person on these boards who said their son contacted the OP in their sitch and it worked for the best.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
This is going to be hard. I can see DS16 contacting OM being a GOOD thing, but I agree that I don't want to plant the seed in his mind.
Man, how to not plant the seed, but still get the same result? Thing is, I told DS16 on Sunday that I wasn't going to discuss this crap between WW and myself with him anymore.
Hummmm.....what to do, what to do.....
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Maybe DS16 contacting OM is a good thing....I don't know. Personally, I don't want my kids to ever have any contact with the OM in my sitch. But then again, my kids are younger. 16 is an age where he can probably handle it, and it might actually help him.
But maybe the lesson here to DS16 is that he doesn't need to get in the gutter with OM by telling him off. Maybe being the bigger person and taking the high road is a better lesson? This is a tough one. He is old enough, that is for sure, so maybe the lesson is to stand up for what is right. I am torn on this one.
Realistically, OM is going to just hang up on him. OM will probably tell your WW what happened and they will be in contact again. Yet another example of how "the world is against them" and their soulmatery. I made that word up. I like it
Anyway, I am with you whatever you decide.
Quote:
Thing is, the only way he could get OM's number is if I gave it to him. Might have to think about that one.
Give me the number, and I will give it to him. Plausible deniability
Tell you what. Lets all exchange their numbers and we'll all call them. That might be interesting. I am at the point of telling my 17 year old nephew and my 14 year old step son the truth. They, of course, know were in trouble, but not why. Just not sure what I'll do yet.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
