#3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

[Abbey]

Lovemyguy... I was over my H in Sept am now back in love... of course raw fate- now he's over me... All I can say is feelings can change back at the drop of hat.... don't ever doubt that they can't.

2 months ago, mine was SOOOO over me, It went from it's over period, to .. it's over.. maybe... to I want to separate so we can reboot... to we can just be friends... to we need to take baby steps, I'm not closing any doors, to I don't want to mislead you... to this Friday (in ref to a book I have asked him to read on rekindling love/connection)... he said: who knows we might end up like the couple who recommended the book and we'll get back together quickly. (incidentally we're separating at the end of the month - I'm moving out... don't ask!)

NEVER say never. It's hard I know, but just keep tossing the "goodie" bread crumbs out there and see which one's he pecks at. It's hard to be patient (as Michelle can attest of me in my thread... even with the progress I've been a nutter all week long!)

Turns come at the strangest things... keep pluggin!

Abbey

[cw68]

Today was an interest and good day. We met at the club in the morning. Felt really good to get a good workout in. Then we all went back to the house to get ready. H and I took a shower together! Perhaps TMI, but it's been a loooong time since that's happened and we used to shower together every day. After that, we all piled into the car and headed to this great nursery in the East Bay; it was their annual Spring party. Cool nursery, fun time for all of us. Then we headed to Berkeley to check out a great pizza place. We came back and did some gardening and played in the yard with the kids. It really was a great day, I feel that H and I bonded a little today even. Definitely think it was really good timing to have today happen after last night.

Seriously, if H didn't see today as a good day to have in life, he's more screwed up than I think. We got along well, the kids had a great time, we enjoyed ourselves as a family and I personally felt more like a couple/family than I have in a long time. H reached out to me once and put his arms around my shoulders and I got a couple of hugs today. Then when he left we hugged really tight, kissed and he squeezed me a few times. Said ILY when he left (I always get a real ILY back, not just an emotionless mirror back), got the same and he even made kissing noises from under his motorcycle helmet.

All-in-all a really good day. He's coming by Tuesday night so we can figure out where we are going to place the hot tub that we have sitting in the garage. I'm going to go really dim tomorrow and give him space; I'm sure he'll need it.

Regarding my niece. Eye-yi-yi! I think she's in LaLa Land, but hopefully this will propel her solidly into adulthood. She and BF are planning on getting married in Summer '09. (She wants to be able to drink at her reception.) She's afraid to tell her Mom, but BF, bro, me, other aunt and friends know. I'm really worried about how my sister is going to take this. It's either going to be great or horrible. Sis is bi-polar and an alcoholic. Nephew heads off tomorrow for the Air Force and she was drunk and crying tonight on the phone, "My baby's leaving. You know you're old when you're baby leaves." All I could think is, "Well then, prepare yourself for turning 50 and a few months later being a Grandma!"

This is going to be interesting, at the very least.

[newnamenewlife]

Wow wow wow! I would say you guys are back together! Didn't your H say the ILYBINILWY? When did the ILY come back? I am really happy for you and of course trying to use your situation to give me hope.

My H is clearly extremely angry at me, though he denies it. I think he felt so rejected by me sexually--and he has a right to because I was pretty LD for a few years (though we had sex regularly anyway). I just have always had such faith in the essence of who were were/are as a couple that I was sure that would prevail.

Yesterday he and I were gardening too--something I have never really done. He was showing me how to uproot something and replant it and we were joking around. I often feel that spark between us when he lets his guard down, but then he pulls back.

[MichelleLT]

So, what are your plans for the hot tub after it's in?

Sounds like you two are really having some moments of connection.

I love the shower. My H and I used to shower together all the time. I miss having someone to wash my back (among other things lol).

Lots of wonderful baby steps. Keep up the great work!

[cw68]

We're not back together, but we are solidly in the friendship stage. Friends with a little bit of benefits.

LMG, my H has always continued to say ILY, but he said he wasn't "in love" with me. A think a lot of our situation is that my H really didn't know what marriage was all about. His mom has three kids with three different fathers without relationships with them. I think her longest relationship in her life lasted two years. When he dropped the bomb, I asked him if he thought it was head-over-heels-in-love-forever and he said YES! He's only said the ILY on his own about ten times since he left, but whenever I say it (and it's not all the time), I always get a real ILY you back. Never a "I know you do" or mumbling ILY. I know he loves me. He just doesn't know if that love is enough, or if it's the kind of love that's enough forever.

When we were talking the other night I said that I believe that when the head-over-heels love leaves that's when the real love sets in, he said I may be right.

I'm beginning to believe more and more that it's not me he's fighting, but rather it's his unrealistic ideas of love that's a big part of it. His mom constantly talks about romantic love, soul mates and fireworks. Note she hasn't found it, which makes me believe more and more that romantic love is just for teenagers.

[cw68]

OK, we were exchanging emails over whether or not we should buy a new lawn mower or try to fix ours and he tacked this on:

"Yesterday was fun, I think my stomach is still paying for the pizza. Argh."

Do I respond that it was fun? Or just let him sit with the thought that it was fun?

[MichelleLT]

I say respond with something along the lines of I had a lot of fun too. Most guys love the WOA after all.

[cw68]

WOA?

[MichelleLT]

Sorry, words of affirmation from the 5 love languages.

[cw68]

I have that book, read most of it, but not all. I get it now and I actually think my H's LL is WOA. Gotta remember that!