Well, first off the affair is not your fault you didn't put a gun to your wife's head and say if you don't go sleep with someone else I will kill you!
Anyone who thinks differently needs a morality check. What may be your fault is some of the unhappiness you two felt prior to the affair. You are responsible for your part in the things that lead to the affair but not the affair itself. That was her reaction to unhappiness, not yours. I think I would make that clear to the counsler.
Your actions are your actions, her reactions are not your actions.
Our actions are what we are responsible for not someone else's actions. Just the same you are responsible for how you handle her affair, not her fault but what you do and say is what you do and say. Not her problem!
I hope I am clear.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
