Husband's Mid-Life Crisis

[happynow]

Addie, Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I had already turned off the computer & I'm about to go to bed, but I just had to check to see if anyone had given me any advice. I need it so bad right now!!! I am very devastated & just can't imagine my life without him. I always said if a man did this to me that I would never forgive them or take them back but you just don't know what you will do until you are in the sitch.

He did notice changes. He didn't say a word about the security alarm I had put in I'm sure he couldn't help but notice b/c of the sign out front & also the big box on the wall. But, I was very nice & talked pretty normal to him, he asked me about a couple of friends of ours. I told him my parents had gotten another dog & showed him the picture of him, he seemed interested, of course we were both a little distant but for the most part I was very upbeat & pleasant around him. He does have his guard up & I think he is up to something with OW against me, b/c I over heard him tell her that we had not talked about that yet, he was going to hold off & barter. So, I'm not sure what he is up to.

Yes, there were only a couple of pictures with me in it by myself, well the dogs were in one. But he got a few of us together, he got a lot of himself in the pictures that he looked good in & was skinny & looked younger. He made the comment at how young he look & not old like he is now. Which I don't think he looks old & I told him that today. He saw some pictures of his Dad, who passed away a few years ago, he looked pretty sad, like he was about to cry & I did put my hand on his shoulder & patted him a little just to comfort him. He didn't pull away but he didn't really react either. He also saw a few pictures of me & made the comment on several of them that it was a good picture. That made me feel good, but he didn't take those. We looked at honeymoon pictures & all of our trips together, so sad & so many memories. I hope this has jogged his memory a little but so far he is not acting like it. And of course he is still lovey dovey with OW.

I will do my best to do as well tomorrow as I did today. I wish my friend would get here a little earlier, especially since his family will be here. But, I'll make somehow.

Thanks again for all your support & encourgement!!!!!

[addie]

nlt, how did your day go yesterday? I was thinking about you.
((((((nlt))))))

[happynow]

Thank you addie!!!! It went pretty well. My friend was with me & she helped me watch everyone. They were all in different places & he is pretty sneaky right now. He did pull a couple of things over on me, but I knew it before he left & didn't say anything, it wasn't worth it. I was very upbeat the whole day, but I did hover quite a bit because I just needed to see what he was up to. He would take things he wasn't supposed to & also his brother & his wife would too but of course they didn't know the difference. He did leave me a mess to clean up & didn't take everything he was supposed to of his stuff but he should have at least got it out of my house, most will go to the dump. Oh well!!

He did get a little snippy with me a couple of times & right at the end of the day, I made him mad because he was supposed to take the old bedroom suit, which he did but he didn't have room to take the box spring & mattress, I told him that he wanted that suite so he needed to take all of it. (He got a mattress & box from his Mom's because these were really old & he would probably just throw them away). Anyway, he said "you can thank me for moving the stero cabinet from the bedroom to the living room" (he took the one in the living room). He said my Dad could get the mattress & stuff out of the way, I told him that my Dad was 80 years old & he was not able to get that stuff. He said the Uhaul truck was full & he didn't have room, so he got mad & said then I get someone to get it & he would pay for it. I then told him lets not do this right at the end, I teared up a little bit then. He said he thought he had been more than fair & I also said that I thought I had been more than fair too. He then would not take the afghan that I had made, I told him that I didn't care & he said that I made it that I could keep it. So he left it here. I was hoping he would take it & think about me everytime he used it. Well, I couldn't help it, I did break down when he left. He hugged me & said "Have a nice life" & I was crying, he hugged me again & I told him, "I really did love you" he wished me good luck & I said the same thing. I said I hope we can be friends, he nodded his head, so who knows. He went to the dogs & hugged them & told them he loved them, then before he walked out I hugged him & said "I told myself I wasn't going to cry" he left & my friend saw him, she thought he wiped a tears from his eye, so I don't know if that was because of me or because of the dogs. He knows he will probably never see one of them again.

Today his son came back to get a few things that his Dad had given him & he asked me if I was going to sell the house. I told him no that I planned on staying here, so I have a feeling my H told him to find out. He got in a hurry & left some things here that I'm sure he will eventually want. We'll see.

My friend thinks in a few months when this wears off with OW that he will be calling me. I just don't know for sure.

I really broke down & cried after he left but he didn't see that, I was very upbeat today when his son came by. I'm not really sure how I did but my friend thought I handled things pretty well yesterday considering all that I've been through & as snippy as he got with me a couple of times. I wish I had not cried but I just couldn't help it.

Thank you for all your support!!!!! What do you all think???

(((((HUGS))))

[stella_k]

((nlt)),

don't beat yourself up over crying, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you. I probably would have cryed my eyes out!

I think you have done very well.

My friend thinks in a few months when this wears off with OW that he will be calling me.

I agree with your friend there. The time is on your side!

Take good care of yourself now, ((hug)).

[addie]

I agree with Stella. Don't beat yourself up over the crying and you did great!
You have been through so much in such a short period of time. Crying was just a little backslide but very natural under the circumstances - I would have done the exact same thing. Your H has to be feeling some pain. You can't just throw away 15 years of a good marriage (as you've stated) and not feel any pain. I'm sure once it sinks in he'll begin to realize what he's done.
I'm sure your friend is right - he most likely will be calling you once it starts to fizzle out with OW. However, for your own sanity, you have to move on with your life right now without H. You can't allow yourself to just hold on to the hope that your H may call.
Keep posting - you really need the support right now.

[happynow]

Thank you both so much!!!!! Yes, I do need the support. I got a call from H sister-in-law this morning, she told me that he still blames me for everything, but that family does not do anything wrong in their eyes. She did say he made a comment on how smooth things went b/c of they way I handled things while they were here. She also was proud that I had the place looking good b/c he told them that I would not be able to keep it up, he expected the grass would need mowing & that it would look bad around here, but it looked great! He also told them that he thought I would loose the house & move back in with my parents. There is no way I will loose this house.

Yesterday his son came by to get a few things that his Dad had given him, he asked me what my plans were if I was going to keep the house or sell it. I told him I planned on staying here. So, I know he was fishing for info for his Dad.

From what my SIL said & what H said I'm not sure he is all that happy with his new job. She said they didn't train him & just through him out there, so he doesn't do well in those sitch, b/c he has been there before. She said they are renting a house instead of buying one. The OW called him a few times while he was here. My SIL said she did run after him & he went right along with what she wanted. So, he is in for a rude awakening, I have a feeling it will be sooner than later or at least I hope it will be.

I did hate to cry in front of him, but I just couldn't help it. It was very hard, I'm not sure how I made it as long as I did & was upbeat the whole day until he started to leave, I guess only by the grace of God, I'm sure.

Again thank you for all your support, I am having some hard times right now but I will keep posting b/c I need all of you right now!!! I love all my new friends on this site!!!

(((HUGS)))

[happynow]

OH, Get this!!!! I just got an email, here is what it says:

I just want so say thank you.....for the most beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, and loving man I've ever known in my life. I am truly blessed beyond my dreams.

(And of course, for not suing me - that was so generous of you!)

Life goes on...I wish you all of the good stuff...love and happiness and freedom from anything that does not lead you there.

I am happy it is all over and I am sure you are too.

Finally we call all B-R-E-A-T-H-E.!

Take care,

Debbie


This if from OW!!!!! Can you believe this????????? I just called H & left him a message on his cell phone, here is what I said: I don't know if you are aware of this or not or have any knowledge of this but I think it is in very poor taste for your woman friend to email me THANKING me for giving you to her when I didn't, in reality she stoled you from me. That is totally without class for her to do this. I would appreciate you telling her NEVER to contact me again. We left it on a decent note this weekend. It is not even appropriate for her to contact me, there is not any reason for her to contact me this is between you & me.

Then I hung up! HELP, I'm so mad right now I can't stand it!!!! I stayed pretty calm when I left that message but I'm sure he could tell in my voice that I was mad. The nerve of that woman!!!

[new_attitude]

OMG!
Some people have a lot of nerve!
Try to ignore it and any others she might think to send you. Remember that she's not worth your time or aggravation.

After some horribly stressful days, I think you deserve to do something nice for yourself. Do you have any ideas? Make a list of things you always wanted to do and start doing them!

[happynow]

I need a massage!!! I think I'm going to do that too!!!! His son is supposed to come by next weekend b/c they forgot a few things. This is it, I'm going to put the stuff in the shed out back & as far as I'm concerned they have all they are going to get. He left a lot of things here, so sad too bad!

I can't believe the nerve either!!!! I have a strong feeling that my H didn't know she did that b/c I really don't think he would have let her if he knew it. He would have said, don't rock the boat. I hope this could be the beginning of the end of their R. Can you all tell what a bitc..... & slut she is??????

I will not respond to her email!!

[addie]

It just confirms what type of a person she is - the nerve of her to rub it in your face. Try not to react any further to it. She is not worth your time. Be the better person. Perhaps keep a copy of the email just in case H brings it up and doesn't believe you. But try to put it out of your mind.
If H does contact you about your message, try to remain calm. Do not badmouth OW to him because it will reflect badly on you. Just tell him you do not want her to contact you ever again and leave it at that. You have every right to be angry but don't come across to H that way.

As far as H's SIL goes, be careful what you say to her because it may get back to H through his brother. I am pretty close to my H's SIL and we've supported each other over the years. But with your D being final, she may find herself in a tough place. It was nice that she called you and mentioned some things or do you think she was fishing?