I am frustrated, but back on track. I think that my problem is I talk to much about it. I will limit my venting to my closest friend and those who can offer contructive critism and advice such as the people here. I have a few friends, and my old therapist by the way, who love to give me advice contrary to DBing. Thank goodness for this site and the book.
Some thoughts for you. You very much have to limit who you can get advice from. When you talk to those friends and even that old therapist, they give you advice contrary to your heart. It brings you down and it frustrates you because they invalidate and do not understand you. They do it probably because they don't want you to hurt but they just aren't helping the way we need. Regardless, they just aren't helping. That's also why we feel so good when we talk to DB coach, post here, or the close person who gives us real advice. It is so positive and not negative. The negative and listening to there doom and gloom is just not what we are asking to hear. So, your solution to distance your sitch discussions to people who offer positive validating responses or solutions to help you is the only way, for us all.
On a personal note, I blasted several folks in my family for bringing it up. I flat told my mother, which is just as good as talking to dad, and other family members, who drinks way to much, and just begs and pleads to see 5D that I would not bring her over there like that. blah blah...in the end, I actually said, "only two people in this family support me. I don't want to hear you be ugly to W, like you just did when you said, "I don't understand why she won't do X (in 2 weeks and hasn't even asked me)". You should love her more than you love me. And, I am not talking about this with you anymore." Went on to say, "I am devoting all my energy to my family which is, W, 5D, and I. I do not have any energy to devote to you and everyone elses issues. That's your choice, I don't have to like it, but I accept it. But don't expect me to do anything different than what I am doing. I absolutely will not give any energy to it, whether I have it or not. Was really kind of sad, they even brought it up again, while eating at uncle/aunt house...6-7 people sitting there they start up again one more thing...sometimes you just have to say, "PLEASE, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." and then leave...from the table...
I say all of that, in hopes that I am not wasting your thread space, to say...devote your energy to sitch. Do not talk to people who do not give you positive advice, support, and feedback. Those that are unsupportive and invalidate your feelings will frustrate you and bring you down. And furthermore, these same people will reflect their problems onto you. Just do not use your energy on issues other than your sitch. Choose wisely, you don't have nor want to have energy for other involved problems.
On a positive, after I blasted folks this weekend, I felt very detached from all that crud. It was uplifting. I had a great weekend and I felt even better about things with my W. It gave me a lot of confidence. I could feel the confidence when I saw W Sunday. Also, made me feel detached more about sitch stuff. And I think that has to do with not sharing, talking about it, and flat stating I wouldn't with others...
long long post to say you are doing the right thing...gl2u
