It seems like you've gotten some great advice here. I'm going to offer my thoughts, for whatever they're worth.
Grieving is normal and healthy. After all, even though your xH made some pretty unpleasant choices, it wasn't always like that. There are good memories and a lot of love. So, we grieve because there are things we could appreciate.
What I'm hoping you're not doing is beating yourself up about feeling this way...and I don't think you are. But the thing is, feelings aren't good or bad, they just ARE.
I have a good friend who has taught me that I need to sit with my feelings and appreciate them for the information they carry. Cry because it's cleansing; literally, a release. Just be the space for the experience instead of pushing against it. It's when we fight things that they hang on. It's not giving up, it's letting go, which is a very different thing.
Then, celebrate. Appreciate. Let go.
I recently did a burn ceremony for some things I wanted to let go of. I wrote down these things I've been hanging onto for a while, which were causing me pain...and then I burned them. It's symbolic, but wow...it's really helped me a lot.
Then I began to focus on everything I appreciate about where I am right now and the lessons I learned/growth in me that came from this experience.
Finally, I've started to dream about my future. Where does Julie want to go next? There is nothing standing in your way from what you want for your life; start visioning your dreams.
I hope today finds you in a cheerier place, but if not, just really enjoy your funk. Welcome it in, pour it a cup of hot cocoa, and be with it for a while. And see yourself past this situation when you are feeling strong, happy, and joyful.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I just read an article from Newsweek called The Divorce Generation Grows Up ... I guess I find this topic interesting because, of course, I wonder how Divorce is going to impact my kids. blech. It's also interesting b/c I was talking to my supervisor today and told him that my goal by next fall is to implement a program at D7 and D5's school of support for children of divorce. I've seen the relief on D7s face when she realizes there are other kids going thru what she is. My supervisor is super-supportive and says he has a great curriculum for this and is extremely excited to help me.
Sigh. That feels good. I am so lucky in the work department. I'm going to start giving resume building workshops and mock interviewing clients to add to my growing business.
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I hope today finds you in a cheerier place, but if not, just really enjoy your funk
Hi SD... so funny that you wrote this. I was talking to a friend the other day and actually was cracking myself up at my crankiness. So yes, I am in a better place. I enjoyed the funk and I'm back, more or less. Didn't hurt that I had a bender last night with some gfs to blow off steam.
Thanks, SD for the great advice and thoughts as usual.
Jilly... thanks for sharing your-ville. It felt so comfortable to move in next door!!!
So work continues to impress, the sun is shining and my mood has restored. My babies are healthy and I'm just a lucky gal. Have a great week, friends!!
I think it's interesting, and says some things about you, that you're looking into finding ways to support kids who have to do this. I would love it if something like that, aside from a 9 million dollar an hour shrink, were available for my daughter.
And it seems to me that the parents of those kids could learn a thing or two from it as well.
How are things with you this morning? I love the article and saw more than a couple of things that rang true. Sad isn't it?
I think that that's agreat idea about starting a support group for kids. It's good for them to know that what they're going through is not unique and also to have a place where they have a voice. Besides, I can't think of anyone who would be any better at this.
Afterall, look at all the support you've given to divorced men! I'm just saying..........
Now BH, you know I had to add that. If I just came here and was nice she would find something to say about how I must not be feeling. I just beat her to the punch, cause that's how I roll!
