so h has been distant on the phone yesterday and now this morning. and I noticed when he was here on sat. he was looking at bank statements and such. which I suppose is him getting his ducks in a row (he never looks at this stuff).
can I just say I hate the lack of commincation. I suppose in few divorces do couples go thru it with their cards laid out on the table, but I hate this feeling. just have to say that. i hate it. I hate the feeling like a mini-bomb is coming. really, why does it even feel like a bomb (mini or otherwise?). I fully expect him to find a mediator this week. I fully expect the ball to start rolling on the divorce. so why does it feel like this?
I guess its that wobbly feeling of being out of control. no security. security is huge with me, so the not knowing, well, that is tough. I e-mailed him last week that I hadn't had luck getting recommendations on any mediators yet and asked how his progress was, told him to keep me posted. got no response (at least on that part of the e-mail, got responses to the rest of it/kid stuff, so know he got the e-mail).
The more I have gotten to know him, the more I should expect this. he's not comfortable with all of this, either. the openness definitely is uncomfortable for him. so I need to learn to expect a certain amount of subterfuge.
need to learn to let go, and to let those mini-bombs fall where they may, and just keep on walking. but I hate that they still feel like bombs!
just had to share. thanks for listening.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
