Married 7 years, 2 kids, D age 4 and S age 6 - my wife one day came home and said she wanted to divorce. Maybe we discussed few days, but to me seems like that in around a week we turned from a very happy couple (this is what I was thinking about us) to have -been served the divorce papers.
I went trough all the stage, first denial, I was very sure this wasn't really happening, I was actually JOKING about it, then when I realized it was true I got desperate, really desperate, I pleaded, promised, begged, obviously with no use.
All this started between Christmas and New Year Eve, I don't remember well, but I remember I had a happy Christmas and a miserable New year Eve..... I should have been tipped by the fact that my Christmas present was a t-shirt AND wrong size! - but at the time it didn't bother me.... this just to say how blind I was.
Then I had to accept, but I also had to understand. I did a lot of soul searching, I understood I made many many MANY mistakes.
Unfortunately is late, but I hope not too late.
It turned out, my wife is dating somebody at her job, I have no idea when this relation started, but W introduced the guy to the kids and my D has a big mouth and she started talking to me about this guy and his big dog, etc etc. My guess is it has been going on for sometime.
Anyway I didn't inquire but I let D talk, I had to bite my tongue, I didn't want to use my D as a detective, so I just listened while my heart went to the floor.
In this 3 months W never ever ever showed she is thinking to come back with me. I moved out, but I am very close to my kids, so I can stay close to them when they need me.
The relation with W I'm having now is friendly, she is making changes in the house and she asks for advices... I ALWAYS say she is doing a great job. I call her only to know when I can see the kids, and I never ever talk about our relation. She doesn't seem to regret, even though a couple of time she asked how come I am so fine, I answered I have my moments but I keep myself busy and I'm trying to move on..... she said good, so we are both fine.
Once I was joking and playing with the kids and very bothered she asked me "why was I so happy" I said I was just playing with the kids nothing else.... this was probably a week or two ago. Since then no sign of improvements - Two weeks ago she also asked me to rub her feet and stay to watch TV together, like we use to do, I did it and I was very happy because was one of my goals, I kept anyway the poker face and left before I was asked to, she was very sad. I learned anyway that the day after she went out with OM, so that was a hard hit to my hopes.

I made a series of points to see how I am doing, please somebody tell me if they make sense:

1) She doesn't want to talk to me
2) We talk but we fight a lot
3) we don't fight and we are friendly but no sign of interest (this is where I am now)
4) She asks me to spend time with her, and NOT because of the kids - but still no real sign of interest (this is where I thought I was last week when she asked me to watch TV)
5) She gives me a small present, or she shows up all dressed , the point is she is showing a sign that she is trying to catch my attention
6)She actually talks about our relation and the possibility to go back together (wow that would be something)
7)She wants to go back together and she says she is ready to work with me to save our marriage
8)We are officially back together, but we still have some problems
9)We are out of the crisis - sure that we want to be married and enjoy our wonderful family.
10)Our relation has never been so good. We learned a lot about each other and we see what happened as an opportunity to grow as a family, no resentments.

Right now everything seems in a stall, but I know that life is always moving, something is happening, I just can't see it.

I'll keep improving my life, the changes I need to make unfortunately require some time, but I started, I hope W is going to notice, she once said too little too late, I hope is not true.... I know is not true for me.