I don't think I can live through this anymore

[cat03]

YOu are sounding better K, and bravo and taking up sword fighing, how cool! I remember back when H left the first time I started working out, haven't stopped since! I look better and it is something I enjoy for ME alone, feel like i've done something good.

Where do I go from here? It was terrifying to think of a future without H, one feels that way if you are 30, 40, whatever, I had to slowly look into myself and picture a new horizon with just me and the kids, it took a while. Sometimes denial still gnaws at me (legal S is still in the works), but I know I have to accept my sitch.
At the beginning i was also terrified at the tought of being alone, of not having a man. Slowly,as i became more confident, i realized that I didnt' want to deal with someone elses baggage just yet, that I'd stay on my own for a while.

We are all human who yearn for companionship, so it is normal to be scared of being alone. If it is God's will that i meet a good loving kind man, let it be, either way, I will continue to throw myself into the many things i've been meaning to do but couldnt' because I was trying to give my H all my attention (to no avail, he checked out emotionally long ago). I will do more volunteering and have accepted quite a few positions in church.

Yes, it is so easy for them to throw all the guilt our way since they are unable to pinpoint why they feel so uneasy/empty, the first person in their line of vision is us, so, we *must* be the problem! and thus history gets re-rewriten and we are the wicked witches of the east.

I really hope you go to C yourself even your H doesn't want to, I was able to regain some sanity by joining my county's women's support group, it was awesome. Any therapy will help you defuse, the kids will pick up on your sadness/fear, do it for them too, you are the only sane parent they got now, take care of yourself, you can do it, have faith, it's ok to be scared,it is normal! just dont' let your fear paralize you))))))))))))))