h and I had another r talk. I initiated it (I know no r talks) but I sincerely apologized, didn't blame him for anything, took the blame for my behavior for the day and said more than anything i missed his friendship. I told him that I can't stop him from doing what he needs to do, but for the sake of daughter, we need to get back to a place of friendship (I didn't even Talk or HINT about wanting romantic relationship). I was soothing and caring and reaally db'd in the since that I accept his feelings and that I was sorry for my outburst. He really responded and then we actually had a good evening (like old times in the terms of friends, laughing, etc0.
It DID bother me that he went to the store and took 45 minutes (I know he was sitting in his car talking to her), but instead of waiting for him to get back and quesion him, I just want to bed.
I can't stop him from doing what he is doing right now and I quickly seeing this. For MY mental health I am beginning to detatch and hopefully gain my mental health from doing this.
Yes, it sucks that i know he has an ow and there is a part of me that knows most affairs end (both from db, dr and my lawyer), but I am not "banking" on that, it's like hopeing an alcoholic will stop drinking. He has to experience the ramifications of what he is doing on his own. there is an al-anon saying that you can't deny the dignity of their own bottom. That is the philosophy I will stick to. As lawyer said (and db and therapist), the more I question him about anything, the further I push him. He really seemed to respond when I acted loving and respectful of where he is right now. I'm shifted my attitude towards him today not to "get him back", but for ME as I am really realizing that if I approach him with kindness and as a friend, the results are MUCH better.
