Those were great suggestions, and some great questions.
After the first 6 months of being a whiney woe is me, I have begun to move on with life. Finding out there are several gals who are more than interested has helped the damaged ego and emotions alot. Do not get me wrong-I have not, nor will I pursue any of them, not until if and when the D is final, but knowing that life will go on that way helped me pull out of the emotional pit I was in. I started living again, and seeing the fun in life. My kids have noticed and told their Mom, who acted very suprised. My first choice is to stay in my marriage with her.
I am determined that although I do feel some guilt on things I have done wrong, I have pitied myself long enough, and that the past is to learn from, not live in.
I am concerned that my wife has made comments to the kids that she hates men, and that maybe given 4-5 years she and I might make another run at things. I will not be available in 4-5 years.
She has been in a deep depression for years, and I believe the heart of that is due to an adolescent experience with sexual abuse. She feels her Dad has not paid the price, her brother has not paid the price, I have not paid a price, and that any male church leader or male counselor (or female for that matter) is only defending all the bad experience with males if they do not suggest we all be castrated (or something) and that if there is any mention of her looking at her actions or how she could change, that the perps are off the hook again.
I do feel for her. I have not had to deal with the issues she has. At the same time, she has had the opportunity to stay with counseling to help her and she has quit a few times. She is seeing one now, and I can only hope that it is someone who is pro-marriage, and also one who believes that being a victim forever is self defeating.
I am going to do my best to implement the suggestions given. I think they are very good. I have told my kids that she should know there will be no recrimination from me about the po. She has seen that in reality it hurt her the most. I'm hoping that being positive, and upbeat, and supportive without preaching or lecturing will help her know she can trust me and talk with me without me trying to fix her. Thanks again!
