H and I went to dinner and the hockey game last night. Had a really great time. It's so weird to be "dating" my H. H had to work all day so he was tired but he went anyway thanked me for a good time, the suggestion and planning. Didnt stay at the house after we got back, left to go to bed. I tried to get him to stay the night with me (S1 was at grandma's for the night) I just wanted to be held i'm so tired of sleeping alone every night for the last 4 months but he wouldnt do it, says he is not ready.
I'm getting so lonenly and the more time we spend together the worse it gets. I almost dread him coming over anymore because I hate it so much when he leaves. WHY cant I just be happy for the time we are spending together? Things are going really well but it just dosent seem to be enough for me anymore. I feel so selfish! He gives a little and I want a ton more. I know this will take time I just hate seeing him twice a week, always having to say good bye......I should be greatful I guess i'm just scared. I know he's not 100% commited yet, I want him back, it's been months. I'm so tired of pretneding, having a Part-time H, being alone, feeling so alone and the list goes on. What is wrong with me??????
