A, I wanted you to think about what's been transpiring in the last two years and if you think about it, he has remained "stuck" since he walked out the door. You've grown so much and are very independent. Your h is still right where he was and he remains very "needy". Needy to hear your voice, needy to know that mom is still on the sidelines waiting for him to finish up his identity search and yes, needy to know that no matter what happens, you'll be there to stroke his ego along the way. I honestly do not think he's really given any thought as to how things will be if the two of you go your separate ways.
A, they talk about needing their freedom, a new life, etc., but what it boils down to--the grass looks greener on the other side. Once they've jumped the fence and screwed up the yard they were playing in, they'll realize the new yard isn't what it should be. A lot of people are like that and when they cross over, it's not long before they realize what a mess they've made. The question is always this--will they be grown up enough to acknowledge what they've done and make amends? No one can tell us until he's sampled the "greener" grass.
I can understand your anger, because of what he's done and continues to do. The anger will help to keep you dim, but do not allow the anger to consume your life. You've been very good about venting here and that's where you should bring your anger when it hits--right here. If you have something at home that really needs doing and you've put it off, now is a good time to vent that anger at that project. A, everything will work out for you and the children. It might not be the way you had hoped your life would be, but you are going to be fine. I'm still praying that he'll see the light and grow up.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
