H came by yesteday. Earlier than usual. He said he had to be to work early. I went about my business and left d13 and him in the living room to hang. I was not mean. I was not cold. I just did my thing.
After I was finishing up chores, I sat out back. It was gorgeous out. I was out there for a bit...and then d13 came out...then H followed. He was Mr. Happy yesterday. I really didn't have much to say. I just sat and enjoyed the warm air. H left....and as he was leaving he said "you're awful quiet today." Whatever.
I took a long walk yesterday and did some thinking. I asked myself if my whole life with H was a lie. Here is a man who can so easily walk away from me and our family, I have to wonder if he ever cared.
Anyway, s16 told me yesterday that he saw H's best friend at the pool with his son. S16 told me that H's best friend said he had not spoken to H in almost 2 years. S16 told me that friend was very concerned about us and knows everything that's happened (including the house) ...since he golf's with h's bil. It is amazing to me how they can cut their families out....and he has also let his friendship go. How sad.
Got up early today. My phone was in the kitchen all nigh. Saw a missed call from a restricted # at 3:40 am. UGH.
Anyway, H called early today. He has to work this afternoon. He asked if he could come by to see d13. I told him fine. He showed up shortly after. I was busy doing laundry and then I did sit with them...but I didn't say much. I could tell this bothered H. He seemed agrivated when he left.
I am trying not to come off as angry and bitter....but I sort of feel like dim is coming across that way. I just am tired. I am tired of my feelings not mattering. I am tired of being lied to and blamed. I am tired of H thinking we can be best buddies after he destroys our family.
