Ping,
The "wise" thing is for you to understand what she has been trying to tell you about YOU. She doesn't see you as responsible and firm with the kids. She thinks SHE is the disciplinarian and you as the easy going "other child". She doesn't view your relationship with her as a "team". She feels she makes all of the adult decisions regarding the kids and that you just go with the flow. That is extremely hard on a woman to have kids to juggle and worry about, along with worrying about her husband because he can't take care of himself. (you mentioned she said you can't take care of yourself early on in this thread)

I also have to agree with her for a couple of reasons on this issue...

1) You still ALLOW her to do your laundry.
2) You handled the wearing jeans to the game instead of shorts issue wrongly with her.

Your question may be what is wrong with allowing her to do my laundry when I don't have a washer and dryer in my apartment?

The answer is NOTHING if you want her to continue to take care of you like another child. However, I think it would be wise to find another way to get your laundry done. How about taking it to the laundry mat and doing it yourself? This is what a mature person would be doing. You are only adding extra WORK on the woman you say you love so much. Do you think she LIKES doing your laundry at this point?

Regarding the jeans issue......
What would have been "wise" is to take HER side of that issue and show your son that you and your wife are the "leaders" of the team. Kids feel more secure when mom and dad are a unit.

After you realized that she was upset that he wore shorts instead of jeans, as is your nature, you wanted CONTROL of who was right or who was wrong or_________ (fill in the blank)

Now.. IF you would have wanted to make some HEADWAY with your wife and score a couple of points for yourself in the meantime you could have done something like this....

" Wife, you are right. I wasn't thinking again and I didn't realize you wanted him to wear jeans. I'm sorry. I AM going to go over to his friends house right away and take him a pair of shorts. I will do it right now."

And then done exactly that... This would have shown her that you are not another child in her eyes, but that you are going to start thinking like an adult. (who CARES if you are right or she is right about whether he wears shorts or not?) She needs to start FEELING like you take her thoughts into consideration and that you are flexible enough to admit you are wrong and that it is no big deal to admit you are wrong. AND then handling it YOURSELF instead of allowing her to handle it..

Now in answer to your question...
Make YOUR OWN arrangements to take the kids to the ballgames.
It is fine to ask her to go with you, but if she tells you she is taking them, then it is NOT WISE to ask to go with them. Just act like a mature man and make your own arrangements to get to the game.

I hope you can understand what I am telling you. I really believe she would be much more attracted to you if you started to be more pro-active in your own decison making and more "team" oriented regarding the kids. It is ok to let her know that she is right about you being too easy going with the kids and she feels she is the disciplinarian all the time. NO parent likes to feel like the disciplinarian all the time. It is better once in a while for DAD to be tough on them. You will probably be surprised that when you get tougher on them, that she will take more of a role you have been playing...