Trying to be patient

[karen43]

Well, H has emailed me several times today and communicated re: the kids and therapy for the kids (he is supportive of it which is a relief). H seems to be making an effort today to communicate re: the kids since I expressed my upset yesterday that it was just all me. So he apparently does want to communicate by his actions today which is a relief also! Well, I still think he was acting like a jerk yesterday, but am appreciating his efforts to finally communicate, and I thanked him for doing that! I told him I don't bite (much) Karen

[LL44]

Communication is so good. Glad H is supportive of making this as easy as possible on the kiddos.

[girlfromipanema]

Sorry to hear your H was being so difficult this weekend. Hope your daughter is feeling better and I hope you enjoyed your opening weekend with the play in spite of the rough weekend with H.

Have a happy Sunday!

[karen43]

Thanks all! D8 is better. H gave her mac & cheese & Pizza Hut when I was gone today--I would have tried soup first though, but she was fine with it! H and I were friendly today, what a relief! I went out for dinner after the play and went with a guy friend from the cast, we're just friends & told H that I was going to go with the friend to meet the others. He seemed happy that I was going out; I guess if I was actually dating he would have less guilt over his dating! But he should know me better than that!!! Karen

I really am enjoying the play; the audiences are very nice & laugh quite a bit. The last 2 nights I am finally getting them to laugh at me which is so fun!!! And they're laughing at my jokes & not my dancing btw!!! Karen

[JoieDeVivre]

The last 2 nights I am finally getting them to laugh at me which is so fun!!! And they're laughing at my jokes & not my dancing btw!!!

Karen,
It is STUPENDOUS to see your positive PMA -- it really is off the charts! Pass it around! You go girl!!!

[karen43]

Thanks Joie! I forgot to mention that my H has started wearing a cross with the Serenity prayer; I am hoping that means something positive. He has been spending a lot of time with D8 while I am at the play, etc.

The other day when I was stressed out when D8 was sick and H didn't email me for hours, H said he thinks the play is contributing or causing a lot of my stress (yes, it is stressful!) He said it was like that for him too, very stressful in Nov. and December when he did a play. He said it (the stress from the play) made everything seem worse, which I am thinking maybe he was talking about our marriage and/or me because Dec. is when he asked for a divorce and began his PA (although I think they were having an EA before that). I wonder if that means that now he is thinking our marriage and/or me aren't as bad as he was thinking? Or maybe I am just wishful thinking again! Karen

[karen43]

I was really looking forward to going dark these 3 days b/c H won't be watching the kids & I wasn't planning on emailing. But H started emailing he needed our dentist info b/c he chipped a tooth and then I sold H's old junky car today so emailed him about that. Well, hopefully tomorrow!

One thing I do is like I asked him, how did you chip your tooth, and then when I emailed re: the car asked him if he was able to see the dentist. He emailed about where the title & keys were but never any personal info. And he basically won't ever answer any personal questions (like how are you doing nothing super personal or R related) for the past few months unless it is about the kids, probably read it in the "Good Divorce" book he is reading! I think it is kind of rude myself, though!!! So I will try not to ask any questions other than the kids so I don't feel that rejection from H (I mean we've been married for 18 years!), but I'm a friendly person to all so it's hard!!! Karen

[kat727]

Karen, I think going dim would have meant not asking about his tooth. Think of yourself as a cop...just the facts ma'am. Don't give any extra info and the same goes for asking. Don't be mean, just too the point.
I have tried really hard not to put any emotion or extra info in my text messages or emails. It is when I get on the phone I have problems because I am so upset about the car and money(again). I think I need to stop bringing up money with him too. Let the L spell it out and then maybe that will get through his stubborn head!
hang in there.
kat

[karen43]

Karen, I think going dim would have meant not asking about his tooth. Think of yourself as a cop...just the facts ma'am. Don't give any extra info and the same goes for asking. Don't be mean, just too the point. kat

You're totally right, Kat! I will work on that; but you know having read my posts that is so hard for me to do!!!

I think you are right about the money talks, if they aren't solving anything write it in a short email or maybe not at all?

I am reading a good book now! Michele Weiner Davis' 3rd book, Change your life and everyone in it, and think it is good. It is similar to DB & DR, which I've also read, and talks about some of the same concepts: like as if, 180s, LRT, etc. but instead of just focusing on marriage/separation it is about"creating changes in every aspect of your life". I had read the other 2, so think this book is a good reinforcement/reminder and good for me now, b/c I'm less focused on making changes for H as I was when I first started, and more focused on improving my whole life and myself for me. It is similar to DB & DR, but with a different focus so I don't feel like I'm reading the same book over and over again or anything. I hope she will come out with more books like this: covering all aspects of your life rather than just marriage, although I like those too!!! Karen

[kat727]

I have that one too. One day after I got DB I went on Amazon and just bought a bunch of books, I even bought one on Adultry that included insights from the adulters themselves. I will probably re-read it now that I seem to be in a better frame of mind. I do remember though this one gal that had 4 married men going at a time and felt no guilt for the pain she may be causing. So sad that she felt she wasn't worthy of real love.
H just called and really seemed interested in book club and the book we just read. Also let me know what was going on with kids tonight and told me he might be late tomorrow but is more than willing to help me pick up my car ;).
Don't forget your cop hat!
kat