H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[seekpeaceofmind]

He is being so controlling and aggressive about these financial/business matters - I'm really glad that you are now working with advisors who will have your best interest in mind and help you make rational, well-thought decisions.

I thought of you last night and this morning. I am taking baby steps toward getting ready to sell our house and buy a new one alone. Last night it finally sunk in that I stand to forfeit 1/2 the equity and this is our major investment together. I have no confidence that H will make wise decisions with his 1/2 and I am bothered about the potential for a bunch of it to be taken away in taxes. Then I thought about how many more of these transactions/decisions you are dealing with all at once. As for many LBS these major lifestyle changes are foisted on us. My main feeling (I keep the anger pushed away) is one of sadness - it all just seems so wasteful. Not just a waste of money, time, energy, but also the love and dreams that were created by our lives together as a couple. Maybe this doesn't resonate with you, but it is where I am today.

Maybe your H was unhappy and staring at the wall - but that is his problem, not yours. If he had been willing to confide in you, trust in you and try to grow as a person and a couple, then you could have done your part to help him find his own happiness. But, he chose not to go there. That is his responsibility. Maybe after he settles down about the money and gets over his pity party, he will be more introspective and develop some new thoughts about the marriage and his part in it. Meanwhile - Let time heal you and believe in yourself. Reflect back on the wise words of your friend who honored your loving commitment to your M and be glad for your own ability to take responsibility for your pain and your happiness. I don't mean to sermonize here, but thought a little cheer of "Yeah for Evie - she's a strong, evolving woman" might be nice now.