SF, Please take care of yourself during this time. He's doing what most of them do when they return home--he's still very much confused and depressed and unknowingly is testing you. Many of them will test your mettle to see if you are strong enough and have changed enough to take them and their behaviors on w/o backsliding into the old patterns of yesteryear. They will push your buttons and deep down, hope that you'll say "enough, out the door you go". He may not admit this, but I suspect that deep down, he's still not ready to be there on a full time basis.
The comment the other day about divorce (lawyers), I think he was very unhappy w/himself and not being 100% there for you and the children is what may have triggered that comment. Also, it was a way of getting a reaction from you to see if you were disgusted enough to spur him on.
It's never easy when they come home. They are still very fragile and aren't strong enough to let go of all of their addictions. They want to come home, be there for you, and yet, they are still emotionally stunted. That last spurt of growth takes place at home and it does require major work to get that grown man to mature and level out.
SF, you've been doing an excellent job of working with him. Once they are home, and if nothing rocks the boat and they run again, they usually finish up the last spurt of growth somewhere between 9-18 months. I'm praying that he doesn't run again and will just settle down right there at home and work through his final issues. As for you, I hope and pray that you are okay and doing what you need to do to keep yourself happy and healthy during this stressful time.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
