This was when he told me he was sad that he couldn't have the sexual experiences he wanted with me, and asked me to go with him to couples counseling. And I got really mad and said, "I'm not ready to do those things with you, you just need to DEAL WITH IT" and then he immediately got sick... and remembering this today I thought, How could I have been SO F-in Retarded? Talk about NFC, I could be the POSTERGIRL.
(((T))) I understand how painful it is to go through the good and the bad memories. It does get easier with time, and you are probably in a good place now to go back and really look at things and sort through your own emotions again about the good and bad times.
I may be WAY off line here because I'm fairly conservative.... BUT I think your BF was being an $#$$# to try and manipulate you into sexual experiences you didnt feel comfortable with. I dont think that's love, I think thats selfishness. I personally think sex should be about making love, and some of the stuff that goes on is not about love its about power. So I say give yourself some credit. If your BF respected your feelings he could have approached things differently so that you both had all your needs satisfied.... So I dont know about 'NFC' your clue might have been your own intuition - I think you are pretty amazing T, and I am mad that BF didnt treat you better. Grrrr!
However in really really great relationships founded on mutual respect for each other, both partners have the freedom to express themselves and not be judged. So I guess if it was me I would be asking questions in regards to the sexual thing like: "Did I give BF the space to express himself?" "Did I believe that my way was right? "Did I try and change BF?" (is it possible to be female and answer 'no' to this one!! Ha Ha!) "Did I respect him?" "Did he respect me?"
This is where there are boundaries, so if BF wanted to have a conversation about his sexual needs you would listen and validate and really hear what he was trying to say, but that does not automatically mean that BF is right and that you should do whatever he wants to please him, you still must be true to yourself.
I do think you are so lovable and loving T, and I think BF leaving has so much more to do with his own issues about himself, and his own expectations about relationships. Dont be thinking that if you had just done this or that things would have turned out differently.
I actually wonder if you had given into the sexual thing then BF may have respected you less?!?!? That's a question that cant really be answered.
According to the BITCH book, men cant get enough of women who are centered and independent and who don't let men sway their emotions, they stay true to themselves. I bent over backwards to help my H and please him, but at the expense of myself - I'm never going to do that again!
(((T))) I hope you have such a good week. I will be thinking of you.
