H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

lots to tell and too much to write, so i'll make it as short as possible.

Went to see the solicitor on Friday and she gave me a lot of sound advice, but i'm still processing what she said and deciding on what i want to do.

She basically said she would act on my behalf and I wouldn't have to speak to H if i didn't want to. She said the amount of texts and emails i get from him are harrassement. She was a lovely lady who i related to immediately, i said i didn't want a fight with H, i was just concerned about my kids.

She advised that we could both fill in expenditure forms and all money earned by both of us would be put into a pot and would be split 60/40 my favour. If i didn't want the emotional connection with regards to the business i could come out of that too and he would still have to give me a portion of what he earnt. (I'll diverge a little here, the Ltd company has already been set up, apparently it was done in 2004, so the set up cost have already been paid. The annual audit costs would replace the current accountant fees, so the business would only have one set of fees per year. I would be a joint partner and draw a salary from it. The latter is what H has told me, however, i need to speak to the accountant to confirm all of this). H has suspended my business credit card and my right to sign business cheques. This has backfired on him, b/c he now has added work to do, (eg wages, banking, paying the bills, not his strength, but mine, but hey it's bought me some much needed extra time in the month). H filled my car up with Diesal yesterday, so i'm ok for a while and he said that the business will continue to run my car.

Back to Friday, solicitor advised me not to see H that evening. I texted h and said as a result of stopping the funds to pay the mortgage etc i had sought legal advice and wouldn't be meeting him that evening. Well - you can imagine his reaction - anger, he accused me of starting a fight, that he only wanted to be fair, that i had driven a huger wedge between him and the girls, that he only wanted to sit down and talk, the usual Cr*p and the same resentments coming up.

I phoned him and said i didn't want a fight, my solicitor's major concern as was mine was the children. He had stopped all funds and i'd had no alternative but to seek legal advise. I said he didn't trust me but he expected me to still trust him!!!! I said i wasn't going to be bullied into anything and the solicitor was ready to act on our behalf if i gave her the go ahead. The conversation was over an hour long and we both cried, he said he couldn't even afford to buy yoghurts for the boys and he had done what he had done to get my attention b/c i wouldn't sit down and discuss matters.

I pointed out that it had only been a month since i had learnt he had really moved on and previous to that the last 6 months i had lived in hope of a reconciliation, so the last month had caused me a huge setback, and emotionally i wasn't ready for to deal with this and why commit to a flat he couldn't afford? He said he hasn't got the income from the private lessons during the month long school holiday as he had budgeted for. I said it wasn't like him to not be so astute and he should have thought about these things before moving. He said he works so bl**dy hard and has nothing to show for it!!! i replied that he had, but he choosen to move away from it all.

He still wanted to come round and write financial things down. He bought a takeaway meal (paid for out of the business). We went over the finances, the properties in the UK and France. But i said i need time to think.

The solicitor said i could stay in this house, the kids need stability. However, this is a big house to maintain and the utilities are huge. H said he had been advised from his millionaire property developer friend that it would make sense to sell this house. He said property prices are going to fall in the next 2 years and i could then get a property that was cheaper for me in terms of mortgage. I said to him I could see the sense, but OUR CHILDREN needed stability, not to keep moving b/c of a property investment. I'm just not sure which way to go. He also said he would get a loan for £50,000 for me to offset the french property. Don't question me about this b/c i've kinda got my head around this but not enough to explain to you guys.

H has since offered me an amount each month to cover the bills. He says he has forms for me to fill in for the ltd company and i'll have a wage and my own credit card etc etc.

I haven't got my head around it all yet and i'm not about to agree or sign anything. I took my colleague with me to the solicitor's so I want to sit down with her again tomorrow, speak to the accountant and solicitor again.

Out of everything that was said with H either via text/phone/in person, one line stands out for me that he said and that is he said 'he was that unhappy, he used to lie awake staring at the wall'...

If your still here, thanks for listening.

25yrs - hope your session goes well.